LOS ANGELES -- All it took was a spark. Then some hot air. Next thing you knew, there were flames, a huge black cloud and noxious fumes threatening to destroy the hopes of millions of Southern Californians.

No, we're not talking about the wildfires.

We're talking about the Shaq-Kobe feud.

In the latest bizarre twist to befall Laker Land, the two stars picked the weekend before the opening of the 2003-04 season to rekindle their long-running animosities. On Monday it got downright nasty, with Shaq calling Kobe selfish and Kobe calling Shaq a jaker.

Say this much for the NBA: It sure knows how to tip off a season.

While other pro sports tinker around with ring ceremonies or bobblehead giveaways or guest stars singing the national anthem, David Stern and Co. get a no-holds-barred, bare-knuckle verbal fight between two of the game's biggest stars from its marquee team.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!

And to think Tuesday night's opening slate wasn't half bad even without this latest bit of LaLa Land goofiness.

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In Philadelphia, Allen Iverson tries to spoil the debut of new Heat coach Stan Van Gundy and Lamar Odom. In San Antonio, Tim Duncan and the defending champion Spurs get their rings before taking on Amare Stoudemire and the Suns. In L.A., it was to be the grand unveiling of the Lakers' Hall of Fame lineup against Dallas' Big Three and Two Ants (Antoine Walker and Antawn Jamison).

Now it's all on the undercard.

The real intrigue is in the Lakers' locker room, where Shaq and Kobe could meet up tonight in Hollywood's iciest rendezvous since Ben and J-Lo's canceled nuptials.

It's clear that after two years of relative détente, Shaq and Kobe are back at each other's throats. The gloves are off. Like the fires that have raged over the region, the situation is threatening to get out of control.

Sure, it's way too early to signal the Lakers' death knell. After all, Shaq and Kobe have argued before. It's quite possible this whole event will blow over and become just another bump on their way to the NBA championship in eight months. Lakers coach Phil Jackson might find some haiku in his Zen handbook that gets his two stars back in harmony.

But there is something about this particular exchange that seems as toxic as the air over San Bernardino these days. Perhaps because of his personal crisis, Bryant seems more distant than ever from his teammates and the Lakers organization. It's almost as if he wants to push the restart button on his NBA life, even if it means bolting L.A. for good when he can opt out of his contract after the season.

Gee, think Karl Malone and Gary Payton aren't wondering just what the heck they got themselves into?

As bad as this might look for the Lakers, the league's 28 other teams have to be positively giddy. Two months ago, it looked as if L.A. was a lock to win the NBA title. Now the Lakers look ripe for an implosion.

Meanwhile, Stern and Co. must be counting their blessings. Suddenly there is a buzz around the start of the NBA season. Not even the WWE could have dreamed up something like this.

The NBA has a new ad campaign designed to highlight the competitiveness of its players. In one ad, Paul Pierce and Baron Davis sit across from each other on park benches and engage in a comical game of one-upmanship to win over a group of pigeons. Pierce offers a crumb of bread. Davis responds with a loaf. Finally, Pierce pulls out a three-tiered wedding cake.

All that's missing is for the two stars to end up wrestling each other on the ground.

We can only hope Shaq and Kobe don't pull off such a scene in the Lakers' locker room as they attempt to feed the media pigeons before tonight's game. Then again, anything seems possible in David Stern's wild, wild NBA.

Marty Burns covers pro basketball for SI.com.