DENVER -- We interrupt this football season to bring you a disaster.

The San Diego Chargers.

In the middle of the third quarter of Sunday's incompetent performance -- a 37-8 loss to the Broncos at Invesco Field -- San Diego cornerback Sammy "The Candy Man Can'' Davis intercepted a Jake Plummer pass and returned it to the Denver 43 yard line. At this point, Denver led 27-0, and had outgained San Diego 302 yards to 12. That is not a misprint. The Fluties had 12 yards in the first 37 minutes of this fray.

And at the end of Davis' runback, Chargers defensive end Marcellus Wiley was called for taunting!

Down by 27 and you're getting totally embarrassed and you're taunting the other team! What a fiasco!

I have been covering the NFL for 20 years, including a rather forgettable season in 1984 with the Cincinnati Bengals, and other than three New York Giants games contested with replacement players in 1987, I have never seen a team play worse than the Chargers did Sunday. One first down in the first 47 minutes. I know what you're all thinking. Doug Flutie came back to earth. Flutie got a gift last week against the feeble Vikings, and then, against a real defense, he was exposed. Don't go there. He was 9 of 25 for 90 yards, most of those in garbage time, but let's be fair here. On consecutive series in the second quarter, when it was still a game, Flutie put the ball into the breadbaskets of tight end Stephen Alexander and wide receiver David Boston. Both throws were right there, but what happened? The ball popped out both times. On the pass to Alexander, the ball actually down rolled his leg and into the arms of Denver's Kelly Herndon for an interception. As for the toss to Boston, well, he just dropped it. Flutie has the worst receiving supporting cast in football, and God knows what's going through Boston's mind out there. A total non-factor. How can a guy with the talent of Randy Moss be so stunningly inept?

"Doug is only one piece of the puzzle,'' an ashen Marty Schottenheimer said after the blowout. "If the people around him don't perform, I don't care who it is, that guy's not going to perform well."

"You play 20 years and there's going to be days like this,'' Flutie said. "But it was pretty bad. You know, you're not going to be able to throw for 400 yards and dance around every week in this league.''

I can't see Schottenheimer, 10-16 over the past year and a half, surviving for another season, though I have no idea how firing him will help. The talent base here stinks. Just stinks. Here was the Chargers' starting offensive line on Sunday, including tight end: Damion McIntosh, Kelvin Garmon, Cory Raymer, Phil Bogle, Courtney Van Buren, Antonio Gates. Don't think Sunday's performance was a fluke either; last week's effort against the Vikings, that was a fluke, which was created by the choreography of Flutie. I don't care if the Chargers bring in Bill Parcells as coach, with Bill Belichick and Bill Walsh as his coordinators next year. The Chargers still will stink. Upgrading San Diego's talent is a long-term project. I think rookie GM A.J. Smith, a good scout, should have at least another year to try his hand at fixing the mess. Marty? It strikes me that the Chargers can probably do better, but I can't tell you with whom. The head coach, believe me, is not the problem with this team right now.

Offensive Player of the Week

(tie) The Cincinnati Running Johnsons. First: Cincinnati RB Jeremi Johnson, who made one of the great individual plays of this season. With Cincinnati down 6-3 to Kansas City late in the third quarter, Johnson -- No. 3 on the Bengals' running back depth chart -- took a swing pass from Jon Kitna and ran around right end toward the goal line while being chased by linebacker Mike Maslowski, who looked like he was going to push the RB out at about the three-yard line. Johnson lunged toward the orange cone, twisting his body awkwardly to try to reach it, and just nudged the pilon with his right leg. A tremendous play. Second: Rudi Johnson, whose 22 carries for 165 yards continued one of the great stories in the NFL this year. That is, despite Corey Dillon being a total non-factor, the Bengals have become a good team. There's a lesson in that somewhere.

Defensive Player of the Week

Philadelphia LB Carlos Emmons, who led a spirited Eagles defense, which is playing better every week, in shutting down the Giants, 28-10. With Philadelphia leading 14-3 right before halftime, the Giants took four shots from within the 3-yard line at the end zone. Philly stopped them every time, including a stuff on a Tiki Barber sweep on fourth down. A parade of tacklers, led by Emmons, crushed Barber. Ballgame. "We called the defense and slanted people to the outside and they did an outside run,'' Emmons said. "It was a good call by [defensive coordinator] Jim Johnson. The guys on the field made great plays and it ended up being a big stop for us."

Special Teams Player of the Week

Cincinnati WR Peter Warrick, for breaking open the Bengals' highlight game of this century with a 68-yard punt return for touchdown early in the fourth quarter. That wasn't enough. Warrick added a 77-yard touchdown catch in what was his best game as a pro.

Coach of the Week

Cincinnati special teams coach Darrin Simmons, who proved that you can kick to Dante Hall and live to tell about it ... and that you also can return a punt against the Chiefs. The Bengals held the best return man in recent history to four punt returns for 63 yards, and four kickoff returns for 67 yards. The key was that they were unimportant yards. I particularly liked Cincinnati's punt coverage late in the third quarter, when Hall fielded the ball at his 21 and had seven Bengals in his face. He lost four yards on that one. Then there was the Warrick return. I bet young Mr. Simmons (he's only 30), a disciple of Carolina special-teams guru Scott O'Brien, had a few Hudepohls to celebrate last night.

Goat of the Week

The San Diego Chargers' bus drivers, for not getting lost on the way to Invesco Field. Empty uniforms would have played better than the Chargers did Sunday.

Stat of the Week

In 1969, when the Chiefs went on to win the Super Bowl, they lost at Cincinnati 24-19. On Sunday, they lost at Cincinnati 24-19.

"They gave K.J. two years to correct what they wanted him to correct. Nothing against K.J., but if you want the scoop, that's the scoop. It wasn't two weeks, it was two years.''

--Cleveland wide receiver Quincy Morgan, on the Browns' release of leading receiver Kevin Johnson.

Mike Shanahan's family has a blind cat. The cat was blinded accidentally when it was anaesthetized to be declawed. 

It's interesting that I wrote 4,000 words last Monday but only five of them -- "Show me something, Daunte Culpepper'' -- were picked out by 967 e-mail correspondents, or so it seems. On with the show.

HE CAN'T PLAY LINEBACKER, KING! From Rod Wall of Clutier, Iowa: "I'm not sure what you meant by, 'Show me something, Daunte Culpepper,' but what else he can do? Do you want him to play defense? When your team gives up 42 points, there isn't much else your quarterback can do.''

Rod, you and your Vikes-loving peers are right. I should have said, "Show me something, Chris Hovan.'' I was watching the Vikings-Chargers game during a particularly unimpressive stretch for the Minnesota offense, and I extrapolated something I shouldn't have.

LET'S ALL SETTLE DOWN ABOUT BILL BELICHICK'S BRAIN. From Darren Woods of Kernersville, N.C.: "I have a question concerning Bill Belichick taking the safety against the Broncos two weeks ago. To me, the call was a no-brainer. I, and I'm sure lots of fans, saw that play as clearly the best option for the Patriots before it even occurred. I can't imagine that anyone would have seriously considered playing it any other way. Has NFL coaching become so predictable and paint-by-numbers that any halfway imaginative call deserves the 'genius' label? I really think most of the media went way overboard on this.''

Very interesting, Darren. Cris Collinsworth felt the same way. You know what I said to him? I could think of about 10 coaches in the league who would not have put points on the scoreboard for the other team while trailing, regardless of the situation.

PLEASE DO YOUR JOB. From Jamie Cowan of Birmingham, Ala.: "I expected you to completely excoriate the Bucs' defense in your column this week. Yet you didn't really cover it. What gives? And who in their right mind would draft Eli Manning somewhere between fifth and 12th in the first round? NFL quarterbacking is all about arm strength and smarts. Eli's arm is reputably stronger than Peyton's, and clearly he is a young man with good head on his shoulders and an equally strong work ethic. He should be drafted No 1.''

Nice word, excoriate. The Bucs are struggling so mightily on defense right now because their secondary is killing them. John Lynch isn't himself (see the Three Questions section in this column), and everyone else but Ronde Barber is out or playing hurt. Re: Manning, it's early, but I think there's a chance Miami (Ohio) QB Ben Roethlisberger will go higher.

EVERYBODY'S HAPPY THIS WEEK. From Kevin Harlow of Houston: "What in the world are you smoking, Mr. King? The 49ers at No. 6, Cowboys at No. 7? San Francisco has two good players, Jeff Garcia and Terrell Owens. One's broken down, and the other's not exactly a rallying point for his teammates. Dallas, meanwhile, is tied for the best record in the NFC. I mean, come on.''

Come on, yourself. Ever hear of a guy named Julian Peterson? Watch Monday night's game and if you can still tell me there's no good front-seven player on the Niners, I'll buy you a latte of your choice during Super Bowl week.

FINALLY, GRATITUDE. AND IT'S ABOUT A LATTE. From Tim Rush of Atlanta: "I wanted to thank you for the tip about egg nog latte! After reading your column last year I tried one and loved it. I brought one home and had to pry it from my wife's grasp in order to get it back. I have to keep them hidden this year as she is pregnant and avoiding caffeine for a while.''

Tim, you're not a very good husband. Get her a decaf! How dare you deprive the missus of her beloved egg nog latte!

NOW THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION. From Rod Bryant of St. Louis: "Peter, I can't remember a season in which so many quarterbacks are passing for 200 yards or less each week. What do you think the problem is?''

Two things: Defenses (especially those in Dallas, Kansas City, Indianapolis, San Francisco) are emphasizing quickness over bulk, and this new breed of Dwight Freeneys is flushing quarterbacks from the pocket quicker than I've ever seen. And look at how many teams (the Giants, most notably) are rebuilding offensive lines almost every year. When the Giants were good in the mid-'80s, a few years before the scourge of free-agency hit, their offensive line once started 36 straight games together. None of the guys was a great player, but collectively they shined. The refurbishing of lines every year makes it very hard for a quarterback to know he'll be protected every week.

On my Continental puddle-jumper from Newark to Providence last week to do a Patriots story for HBO, the man in front of me passed gas uncontrollably, constantly, and without any shame throughout the flight. After about 15 minutes of this, the man across the aisle looked at the Wall Street Journal-reading fellow and said: "Do you think you might be able to control that?''

"Control what?'' Mr. Fart said.

"The farting,'' Mr. Across-the-Aisle-But-Speaking-for-Everyone said.

"Jesus,'' Mr. Fart said, sounding apologetic. "I'm sorry.''

But he couldn't stop, and we suffered with the acrid fumes for most of the 47-minute flight.

... Battered Tampa Bay safety John Lynch, who is gamely trying to keep the Bucs in the NFC playoff picture by playing with a stinger that has left his right shoulder and arm weak. We spoke before Sunday's Bucs-Pack game:

MMQB: I wrote last week that since 1990, when the NFL went to six playoff teams per conference, the fifth or sixth seed has never made the Super Bowl. Your team is fighting for the fifth or sixth playoff spot in the NFC, meaning you guys would have to play three road playoff games in order to get back to the Super Bowl. Can this be done?

Lynch: If we're in that position, I think we'll make history.

MMQB: Are you still confident that this is a good team?

Lynch: I still think we're the best team in the league when we come to play. We can beat any team in the league. If we get in the playoffs, I don't think there's a team we'll play who should beat us.

MMQB: Has it been hard to keep the team together through the losing times?

Lynch: There's no dissension, just a real sense of urgency. Instead of looking at our situation and saying, 'We've got to go 7-0,' we just don't think that way because it won't do us any good. We have to think short-term.

BONUS QUESTION.

MMQB: How hurt are you?

Lynch: My strength is so far down right now, I can't push off well. I can't get guys off me. But it's times like this that you play out of professional obligation.

1. I think these are my quick-hit thoughts of the NFL weekend:

a. The Browns have an Andra Davis and and Andre' Davis. Both first names are pronounced "ON-dray.'' I wonder what happens on the practice field when Butch Davis yells out: "ON-dray!'' Or when he shouts "Davis! Get over here!''

b. Correll Buckhalter is the best under-used running back in the NFL.

c. Love those black jerseys, Iggles.

d. Warren Sapp entered Raymond James Stadium wearing a Kevin McHale Celtics jersey before the Bucs-Packers game Sunday.

e. You're a swell coach, Dick Vermeil. But regarding the two-point conversion attempt you threw on during the fourth quarter: Give the damn ball to Priest Holmes in the spread formation.

f. Those Browns players sure are up in arms over the departure of Kevin Johnson (the club's leading pass catcher was waived last week), aren't they? So pained were they that put a 44 spot up on the board against the Men of Bidwill.

g. Rod Smith, who made his 600th career reception against the Chargers, is one of the great, underappreciated players in this era of NFL history. He's a terrific all-around receiver -- and someone whom Kevin Johnson should watch some film of.

h. Why in the world didn't Bill Parcells use his last two timeouts in the final minutes of last night's Cowboys-Patriots game? Weird. I mean stunningly weird.

i. Good for Stephen Davis.

j. You can't have alligator arms if you want to be a great player, Daniel Graham.

2. I think I have the ultimate proof of what I've said over and over and over again during my 20 years covering this league: Do not bet on NFL games. One of the few people I know who are competent at the silly handicapping game, Hank Goldberg, was 28-28-1 in picking games against the spread on ESPN entering the weekend. I'm just telling you: You don't have a chance. Put your money away.

3. I think this is one of the best things I've ever overheard in a press box: During the fourth quarter here in Denver on Sunday, Invesco Field press box announcer Cliff Dodge announced an unnecessary-roughness penalty on one of the Broncos offensive linemen by saying: "The miscreant was No. 62, Dan Neil.''

4. I think anyone who says the Bucs are out of postseason contention following the loss to Green Bay (as ESPN's Tom Jackson said they were Sunday) should keep two things in mind: In the next five weeks, Tampa Bay plays the 4-6 Giants, 2-8 Jags, 5-5 Saints, 4-6 Texans and 2-8 Falcons. And a 9-7 NFC team will probably make the playoffs.

5. I think the road to the AFC title runs through Nashville now. I like the Titans' chances of going 14-2 or 13-3 better than I like Kansas City's chances of doing so right now, particularly because the Chiefs have a road test at Denver on Dec. 7 and the Titans' three remaining road games (at Falcons, Jets and Texans) are pretty winnable ones.

6. I think these are my non-football thoughts of the week:

a. I love how baseball makes it seem like it's being pro-active about the steroids issue -- which, by the way, makes me skeptical about any home run record achieved during the past few years -- by saying that in order for a player to be suspended for a year, he would have to test positive for steroids FIVE TIMES (YOU HEARD ME RIGHT, FIVE TIMES ... COUNT 'EM, FIVE). You people running baseball and the players' union are insane. You'd have been better off doing nothing, because this is such a joke you now look like enablers.

b. Coffeenerdness: Starbucks, you're succumbing to the holiday materialism that plagues the United States. Christmas music on Nov. 9? Please make it stop. Christmas should not be a two-month holiday of commercialism madness. One will do just fine. I feel I'm fighting uphill on that one, though.

c. Montclair (N.J.) Field Hockey Note of the Week: The outlook was not good for the Montclair 11 last Friday afternoon around 3:20, on windswept, 41-degree Millburn High School field. We were there, on a neutral field, playing Morristown High for the New Jersey Group IV North I Sectional Field Hockey Championship game, and trailing 1-0 with five minutes left in the game. Morristown, 19-3-1. Montclair, 17-3. The Mounties should have been on their home field, except they don't have one; an idiot contractor full of excuses was supposed to have the FieldTurf field finished Aug. 15, and it still looks like a pile of mush. The girls have had to be gypsies all season, making it all the more amazing that they won their league with a 15-0 record.

Though they never play in front of their friends, they've not once used it as an excuse, not even here, on a lumpy Millburn pitch that made crisp passing impossible. And with steady, fundamentally perfect Morristown holding a 1-0 lead since scoring seven minutes into the game, and packing in around their goal to make the traffic impenetrable for Montclair, grim reality was starting to set in on the parents' side. "I've got an empty feeling,'' Jack O'Neill, father of midfielder Lacey, said to wife Lisa midway through the second half. "We've got no karma. We're not going to score.''

I couldn't help but think back, as the clock wound down, on two daughters and seven years of high school field hockey, a truly underrated sport that I've grown to love. The cool afternoons, daughters spilling everything they have knowing that without honest teamwork they really are lost, girls becoming as close as Thelma and Louise, girls feeling so euphoric after a big win and so low after a loss but feeling life no matter what ... Not just watching girls. Watching athletes. Tremendously gifted athletes playing a precision sport.

I just didn't want it to end. What parent in his right mind would? We kept attacking their end; they kept repelling the attacks. With just under five minutes left, Montclair was awarded a penalty corner for a Morristown infraction in the goal circle. Very common. An average game might have 20 of these. On a corner, six Montclair players ringed the semicircle around the goal. Four Morristown girls stood on the goal line, ready to charge the opposing girls. A Montclair player -- in this case, Jacqueline Connor -- stood at the goal line with the ball, awaiting the official's nod to start play. Just before Jacqueline flicked the ball off the line, senior defender Courtney DeBlis, as reliable a player as we have, sidled up to co-captain Mary Beth King at the top of the circle. "This is our senior year,'' Courtney, whose athletic disposition I would describe as pleasantly intense, said into Mary Beth's ear. "We can't let it end this way. You've got to put this one in the goal.''

The ball isn't always passed to Mary Beth at the top of the circle on a corner, but, as her father, I kept repeating to myself: "Get to it Mary. Get it to Mary.'' I didn't say it selfishly. I said it strategically. Mary Beth has been in so many big games. Sectional field hockey final as a sophomore. In softball, she pitched 23 innings of one-run ball to hurl us into the state sectional championship as a sophomore. Big county games in softball and field hockey. I knew she wouldn't be gripping the stick too tightly; I knew she'd just play the game. I got my wish. Jacqueline fed the ball to Mary Beth. Two Morristown flyers flew at her. Mary Beth dodged the first one by nudging the ball right, then dodged the second one by nudging the ball right. She wound up for a slapshot and -- PING! -- fired it six inches off the ground off the left post. For a millisecond, devastation. Off the post! No! But yes! It ricocheted off the post, behind the sprawling goalie, and in.

At that moment I jumped so high -- only Mary Beth got higher, I think -- that I strained my left hammy. Well worth it. Excitement reigned. Now for overtime. Two 10-minute periods, sudden death, and if a winner didn't emerge, the dreaded penalty strokes -- just like the arbitrariness of soccer. In overtime, squads go 7-on-7 to increase scoring chances. When teams are equal, exhaustion often loses overtime games. A scoreless first period. A minute into the second, the 71st sprinting minute for most of these incredibly fit kids, Mary Beth passed to right wing Adair Landy, who knocked a pass across the goal area to left wing Christina Hopkins, who tipped it in. Montclair, 2-1.

Mayhem. Kids hugging kids, kids pig-piling kids, parents hugging parents, parents hugging kids. Then euphoric Mounties settling down to shake hands with crushed and valiant Morristown kids. We gathered, parents and players and coaches, to celebrate Friday night at a Montclair watering hole, The Office, and the coach Mary Pat Mercuro told the crowd: "We're not finished.'' I sure hope not. We're in the Group IV (large schools) Final Four now, slated to play the state's sixth-ranked team, Hunterdon Central (21-1-1), which has been to the state title game three years in a row, Tuesday at 2 p.m. at South Plainfield High. The winner of that game gets to play the best high school field hockey team in America for the state championship. Eastern, from Voorhees in a Jersey suburb of Philadelphia, set an American record for consecutive games without a loss last month, and now its streak is at 113. One more thing I found very cool: When Mary Beth got home after the game, the first thing she did was head to the computer to IM her friends from last year's team, who she felt were so much a part of this day. Her midfielding mentor, Lyndsay Wilson, IMed her back, so happy. At the end of the day, there was joy in Mudville.

d. The Minnesota Twins acquired pitcher Boof Bonser from San Francisco Friday. I ask a Bay Area or Twin Cities reader of this column: Is this guy's name really Boof?

e. Yeah, the Andy Griffith special was sort of dumb and cornpone. But so was the show, wasn't it? I loved it. And to see Ernest T. Bass again, well, that right there was worth the price of admission.

7. I think I would humbly like to make this request to the mostly informative ESPN Sunday night crew: Listen to the tape of Sunday night's game. And listen to how many times you preface a factoid by saying: "You know, when we talked to Joe Blow last night, he told us ...'' We all know you meet with the coaches and six or eight or 10 key players per team, and then you talk to more people on the field before the game. But please, stop beating us about the head with this.

8. I think this is the great thing about the NFL: The singular star on the Cincinnati Bengals six weeks ago was Corey Dillon. Then someone no one had ever heard of -- Rudi Johnson -- ran through Houston and Kansas City for 347 yards. It just proves how good coaching and quality roster depth is as important in this league as big-name players.

9. I think the most incredible NFL news this morning is that there's a very good chance last month's darlings, the Minnesota Vikings, aren't going to make the playoffs.

10. I think you can produce better ads, NFL Network, than the one about host Rich Eisen that ends with "Being Rich doesn't suck.'' Offensive. Tasteless. Paul Tagliabue, go down the hall and take that piece of junk off the air.

1. Tennessee (8-2). The Titans were pretty underwhelming in their 10-3 win at home against the Jags -- and Jacksonville blew a chance to tie the game when it had a first-and-goal in the last minute. But the Titans had put up 27, 30, 30, 38, 37, 30 and 31 points in their previous seven games, and watch out for Tennessee's rallying D: It has held opponents to fewer than 20 points in five straight games.

2. Kansas City (9-1). From Frank DaSilva of Kitchener, Ontario, a Dolfan, comes this e-mail: "I have seen the Sports Illustrated cover [Chiefs QB Trent Green] for this week's issue. If the cover jinx holds true, the 1972 Perfect Season Dolphins will have to invite you to their annual champagne celebration.'' Frank, I believe that ship sailed last night. And I missed it.

3. New England (8-2). That's a really good-looking team. I underline "team." The Patriots didn't have much of a pass-rush last night in the 12-0 win against Dallas, but they did have tremendous play from their secondary. Tyrone Poole was an absolute stud.

4. Carolina (8-2). They just win.

5. Indianapolis (8-2). Beating the Jets, despite having to resort to a Hunter Smith fake field-goal run to do it, seems like a pretty nice turnaround from the 41-0 drubbing New York gave the Colts in the playoffs last year. Particularly when Marvin Harrison's out with an injury.

6. Philadelphia (7-3). Don't look now, but the Iggles are averaging 23 points per game over their last four contests.

7. San Francisco (4-5). I believe the Niners' last game was around the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

8. Dallas (7-3). Tampa Bay 16, Dallas 0. New England 12, Dallas 0. Carolina, Miami, Philadelphia the next three weeks. Uh-oh.

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9. Denver (6-4). Jake Plummer's an efficient and smart 5-1, the one loss being by one point to Kansas City -- and it was decided by special teams. I'm resisting all temptation to say I told you so. For now.

10. St. Louis (7-3). Torry Holt has 75 catches for 1,140 yards with six games left. The guy's a monster.

11. Green Bay (5-5). Najeh Davenport really looks like a man.

12. Seattle (7-3). 'Hawks season will still come down to games in St. Louis and Frisco in Weeks 14 and 16, respectively.

13. Miami (6-4). Is Norv Turner close to doing personal harm to himself?

14. Cincinnati (5-5). I watched the entire extraordinarily competitive game with the Chiefs, and I can accurately report that the Bengals are officially a factor.

15. (tie) Baltimore (5-5). But I believe you need to field an offense in the NFL to actually win games.

Tampa Bay (4-6). Mary Beth King, who now likes football a lot, text-messaged me in the Denver press box during Broncos-Chargers thusly: "Ha ha. The Bucs just had three penalties in a row on their 2-yard line and Collinsworth said, 'If the Bucs go back any farther, they'll be in the parking lot!'

San Francisco. The 49ers will unleash their getting-healthier defense on Tommy Maddox, and I think the game could get ugly, particularly with the Steelers' running attack struggling so much. I can't say enough about the performance of Tim Rattay in his NFL starting debut 15 days ago, and it's pretty good fortune for the Niners that Jeff Garcia isn't quite ready to return from his ankle injury yet and Rattay has to start again. I'm not saying that to be snide, because I really like Garcia as a player. But he's just not himself right now. How can he be, with most every appendage and organ hurting? Niners, 31-14.

Sports Illustrated senior writer Peter King covers the NFL beat for the magazine and is a regular contributor to SI.com. Monday Morning Quarterback appears in this space every week.