Conan O'Brien

Asst. coaches: PimpBot, Masturbating Bear, Andy Richter Case for: This is a natural corporate tie-in for NBC, the home of Notre Dame football and Late Night. Just think of the possibilities, like a See & Speak featuring the voices of Lou Holtz, Ara Parseghian, Knute Rockne, Ronald Reagan (as George Gipp) and Sean Astin (as Rudy). Case against: He'll have to leave by 2009 to take over for Jay Leno on The Tonight Show.

Lucky the Leprechaun

Asst. coaches: Hearts, moons, stars, clovers, horseshoes, pots of gold, rainbows and red balloons Case for: The Lucky Charms spokesman -- "They're always after 'me Lucky Charms!" -- won't guarantee BCS bids, but he will guarantee the Irish will be magically delicious. Plus, you can hire him cheap with a coupon. Case against: Much like the Notre Dame mystique, Lucky is a work of fiction.

Bono

Asst. coaches: The Edge, Adam Clayton, Larry Mullen Jr. Case for: This coaching staff is good for at least a few killer halftime concerts. The fans will be too busy loading up their free iPods with music to care about the win-loss record. Case against: Recruiting might suffer while Bono is off trying to solve the world's problems. What's more important, getting a five-star linebacker to qualify academically or peace in the Middle East?

Pierce Brosnan

Asst. coaches: Q, M, Pussy Galore, Dr. Holly Goodhead Case for: Can you say, "stealth attack?" Under 007's guidance, the Irish's Thunderball offensive scheme will succeed on cunning, subterfuge and trickoration. If nothing else, Brosnan can sneak into opponents' offices and take pictures of their game plans with one of those cool mini-cameras secret agents always use. Case against: Mr. Bond has a reputation for, uh, being easily distracted. Between the cheerleaders and the coeds in the stands, let's just say focus might be a problem on game day.

Joe Theismann

Asst. coaches: John Riggins, The Fun Bunch, Mike Patrick, Paul Maguire, Suzy Kolber Case for: Unlike with some of these other "candidates," you can't argue Theismann's football prowess. He was 20-3-2 as the Irish QB in the late '60s and led the Redskins to victory in Super Bowl XVII. Case against: Players may grow weary of the longwinded Theismann, whose pregame and halftime speeches will make Fidel Castro seem concise.

Padraig Harrington

Asst. coaches: Darren Clarke, Paul McGinley, Peter Lawrie Case for: Who better to raise money at alumni golf outings than Ireland's top player? Plus, as member of Europe's recent Ryder Cup squads, he knows how to beat American teams. Case against: Only accustomed to working four days a week -- and never at night.

Dick Vitale

Asst. coaches: Mike Patrick, Digger Phelps Case for: Granted, this is a stretch, but he has two daughters who attended N.D. on tennis scholarships, so work with us here. Dickie V. tends to spend large chunks of early season college hoops broadcasts talking about college football, so he must know something about the topic (or not). As an added bonus, hoops fans get to watch games without wearing ear plugs. Case against: He hasn't coached since leading the Pistons to a 34-60 (.362) record from 1978-80. His "dipsy-doo dunkaroo baby!" offense is better suited to the hardwood.

Paul Walsh

Asst. coaches: Norm and Cliff from Cheers Case for: As the CEO of Diageo, which owns Dublin-based Guinness, Walsh could schedule nightly keggers in front of the Grotto. Students would immediately offer their undying support. Brilliant! Case against: Last thing you need when you're being routed at home by Purdue is a bunch of mean drunks.

Sinead O'Connor

Asst. coaches: Bjork, Yanni Case for: Before every game, she can run to midfield and rip a photograph of the opposing head coach. That beats "Two Bits" every time. Case against: Her discography doesn't exactly lend itself to the gameday experience. How fired up can you get listening to Mandinka?

Tyrone Willingham

Asst. coaches: Kent Baer, Bill Diedrick Case for: Willingham led Stanford to the Rose Bowl before posting a 10-win season in his first year at Notre Dame. In 2004, he won two games against top 10 teams but went 6-5. Four of those losses were to bowl teams, however, including two to conference champions Pittsburgh and Southern Cal. How did his players perform off the field? In athletic director Kevin White's own words: "From Sunday through Friday, our football program has exceeded all expectations in every way. Our academic performance is at a fever pitch. It's never been better. Ty has done wonderful things." Case against: He's obviously overqualified.