Guilty Pleasures

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Would everyone who has never watched Saved by the Bell, who has never snarfed down an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting (mmm, Karamel Sutra), who has never at least hummed the Backstreet Boys' I Want It That Way, please step away from this page? You're too cool for us.

O.K., who's left? Oh, everybody? Good. Because, on the occasion of Valentine's Day, we're here to celebrate the things we love about college sports, but were too embarrassed to admit. You go to swim meets and don't care who wins? That's O.K. You've downloaded the team photo of the Wichita State women's volleyball squad? Us, too!

So sit back, crack open a Zima and enjoy these confessions -- nay, affirmations -- of guilt.

Bob Knight

To every story there are two sides. We prefer to dwell on the General's less diabolical one. John Biever/SI

In my weaker moments -- this being one of them -- I will cop to liking Bob Knight. I realize that outside of the greater Lubbock area, Knight occupies roughly the same rung of popularity as Liza Minnelli and Pete Rose. But as someone who grew up in Bloomington, Ind., I also know firsthand that Knight did too much good to be dismissed as a sociopath, an autocrat, a megalomaniac or any of a dozen other SAT words that dime-store shrinks use to describe him.

Perfect Knight isn't. Assuming you're overly familiar with his shortcomings, I won't tick them off here. Famously disdainful of the media, he has nonetheless been a generous source of basketball insight over the years, not to mention one of the game's most colorful entertainers. I'm not talking about chair-tossing, but performances such as the one he gave last week in wake of his confrontation with Texas Tech chancellor David Smith. You've seen the press conference on SportsCenter, with the General's own play-by-play of his march through a Lubbock salad bar. Jimmy Kimmel Live would kill for comedy like that.

And, oh, yeah, he can coach a little bit too. And he graduates his players. So give me Knight over his oleaginous younger colleagues, who are shamelessly cozy with AAU dirtbags, who recruit with their wallets, who hire tutors to write papers for their players. Give me the brutally straight shooter over the con men.

Disagree? Then go to hell, you son of a bitch.

-- L. Jon Wertheim

Mascot Brawls

When does a cardinal stand a chance against an eagle? Where can a terrapin possibly take down a wildcat? The answer is simple: in the fantastic world of mascot brawls. At campuses across the nation students adorned in felt and feathers duke it out each week in support of their respective teams. The best thing about these fights are the ridiculous matchups that can occur. Imagine the Stanford Tree (a tree, duh) versus Ohio State's Brutus Buckeye (a man with a nut for a head). This kind of showdown, of course, could never happen in nature. Rumors abound that bouts might be fixed in favor of the home team's mascot, but we don't buy 'em. Let those fuzzy things go at it! And may the best animal, big-headed person, inanimate object (or whatever the heck Western Kentucky's Big Red is) win!

-- Cole McGrath

One Shining Moment

The champs cut down the net and you, feeling only the beat of your heart, grow impatient for One Shining Moment. Graig Jones Getty Images

Kenny Loggins, eat your heart out. These are the words -- dare I say poetry -- four grown men and I found ourselves belting out in unison four years ago at the NCAA Hall of Champions in Indianapolis, site of the 2000 Final Four. These, of course, are the lyrics of One Shining Moment, the NCAA men's basketball tournament theme song-cum-highlight video. For a good three hours we sang along -- "The ball is tipped/And there you are..." -- devouring all 13 years of Moment montages while revelers looked on in admiration. Or pure horror. I couldn't tell -- I was busy singing.

One Shining Moment is no silly little ditty. It's one of the great power ballads of alltime, right up there with Sister Christian and Every Rose Has Its Thorn. It's also one last heartfelt goodbye. When the title game ends and celebrants are embracing, trimming the nets and tipping over police cars, I'm devastated. College hoops is over; football is still five months away. But wait!
Here comes singer David Barrett (Teddy Pendergrass also recorded a version, but songwriter Barrett's take is better) with this gift -- a reminder of the ups and downs of my March. David understands my devotion, and his song eases my pain. The season is no more, but what a way for it to end. -- Adam Duerson

More more college sports guilty pleasures, click here to get the entire issue of SIOC in digital format.

SI ON CAMPUS Sports Illustrated On Campus, a new magazine covering college sports and collegiate lifestyles, is available as an insert in 72 major college newspapers across the country every Thursday throughout the school year. Click any of the links below to see selected content from the latest issue, or click here to get the entire issue in digital format. • Cover story: Guilty Pleasures • Road Trip: University of Iowa • Previous issue: Feb. 5, 2004 Send your college sports questions to Milo at askmilo@sioc.timeinc.com. Your query might be answered in a future issue of Sports Illustrated On Campus.

Issue date: February 12, 2004