By Adam Duerson
| |  University of South Carolina coach Lou Holtz AP |
When that worked, Holtz announced he was demoting his wife so he could become more involved with Pamela Anderson
Three months after Lou Holtz demoted his son, South Carolina offensive coordinator Skip Holtz, so he could become "more involved with his offense," the 67-year-old Gamecocks coach got his wish: He fractured his left leg when he became entangled in a contact drill.
He couldn't find a lampshade, so the post was the next best thing
Veishea, billed as a "student-run, alcohol-free celebration of entertainment and education" at Iowa State ended with booze-fueled rioters lighting fires, hurling rocks and getting teargassed by the cops. "This
is about us leaving the bars and them gassing us," a rioter told the Iowa State Daily after pulling down a lamp post.
When questioned by the cops, he said he was just demonstrating the shotgun formation
After the Alabama football team blew a 21-point lead and lost to Arkansas, 46-year-old fan Joseph Logan of Pinson nearly blew his son's head off. Seth Logan, 20, dodged the bullet his dad, who had been drinking, fired at him. Joseph Logan was charged with attempted murder and domestic violence.
The "good thing" being he saved a fortune on roaming charges
The Illinois State women's tennis team doused coach Chris Hoover with a bucket of water after winning the Missouri Valley Conference championship -- and destroyed his cellphone in the process. "It was a good/bad thing," he said afterward.
| THE VILLAGE IDIOTS |
| They ducked, they dodged, they dipsy-doodled. Role models they're not, but these boneheads are surely notable -- if only for our amusement and their inclusion on the 2003-04 SIOC All-Suspension Team. Alex Groothuis (two games). The Fordham director of basketball operations allegedly stole plays during a game against Xavier and relayed them to the Rams' bench via walkie-talkie. (Fordham still lost 74-52.) Nicole and Roxanne Frilot (scholarships revoked). The Texas Tech soccer twins were booted from the team after they appeared topless in the saucy spring break pic The Real Cancun. Isaiah Fox (two games). The Arizona center lifted $2.58 worth of merchandise (bagels, cream cheese and a candy bar) from the student union. Gioconda Mendiola (one game). The Washington women's hoopster allegedly slapped the face of an Arizona State player in the postgame handshake line. LeVar Seals (one game). The DePaul guard missed the Blue Demons' NCAA tournament opener for issuing a cup check -- with his fist -- on Cincinnati's Tony Bobbitt during the Conference USA title game. Jared Parseghian (three games). The Miami (Ohio) kicker stole -- of all things -- a two-foot statue of a pig, clad in a cape and wizard's hat, from a park. Kelvin Brown (indefinite suspension). Murray State's second-leading scorer was charged with theft and drug possession three days before the team's NCAA tournament game. He later entered a plea of not guilty. |
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That reminds us, does anyone know Peyton Manning's IM handle?
Before the Tennessee-Alabama football game, UT blogger South Knoxville Bubba (southknoxbubba.net) pledged to donate to a local food bank $1 per offensive yard gained, $5 per snap taken and $10 per pass completed by Vols fan-favorite quarterback Jim Bob Cooter. Alas, Cooter never got off the bench.
It's enough to make you pine for Pinson
Samford (Ala.) coach Jimmy Tillette, on his school's move from the Atlantic Sun Conference to the Ohio Valley Conference: "The one good thing about spending time in towns like Murray [Ky.] and Martin [Tenn.] and Cape Girardeau [Mo.] is that it makes the transition to death unnoticeable."
The name Jim Bob Cooter was taken
UCLA men's volleyball coach Al Scates tried to have BYU starters Joe Hillman and Victor Batista ruled ineligible for allegedly playing professionally in Europe. Batista was held out of three matches after allegations were made that he had played under the name Robin Ariel. Both players were later cleared.
Symptoms include: fever, headache and a really lame name
Auburn fired Joe Shelnutt, director of its Southeastern Raptor Rehabilitation Center, after the football team's eagle mascot, Spirit -- and possibly Spirit's predecessor, Tiger -- had been exposed to the West Nile virus. The school grounded Spirit for the 2003 season while Tiger sat out with arthritis.
When trying to sneak out of Kansas, we always suggest asking Roy Williams for advice
A man was arrested for trying to sneak aboard an Iowa State charter after a Cyclones hoops game at Kansas.
Gonzaga is wondering, Where was Mark McClure during our game against Nevada?
Baldwin-Wallace cross-country runner Jamie Luketic was saved when John Carroll coach Mark McClure performed a variation of the Heimlich maneuver on her during a meet. After a pebble, kicked up by another runner, lodged in Luketic's throat, McClure noticed the collapsed runner was choking.
They're now looking into whether they can airbrush those 11 losses from the 2002-03 season
Missouri's 2003-04 basketball media guide included a year-old celebration photo from which troublesome ex-Tiger Ricky Clemons, who was kicked off the team, had been airbrushed out.
Somewhere Jose Canseco shed a sympathetic tear for the dumpster
UCLA had a three-run homer against Arizona State negated when the ball hit a dumpster behind the wall and bounced back into play. Sun Devils rightfielder Travis Buck snagged the ricochet and, amid the confusion, turned a triple play.
Not as sad as your 14-16 record
After undergoing vocal cord surgery, Ohio State basketball coach Jim O'Brien communicated by grease board during the Buckeyes' opener against South Florida. His penned critique on the refs: THIS IS SAD. O'Brien was promptly T'ed up.
Issue date: April 29, 2004
