If you are as fascinated as I am by the Danse Macabre of the NFC, the nine losing teams all vying for a final wild card spot, you will be interested in what follows. Instead of the usual blarney that decorates this column, you will be treated to an accurate forecast of which of those losers will enter the postseason. There is a very real possibility that for the first time in recorded history, a 7-9 team, in other words a club with a losing record, compiled over a full 16 games, actually will climb aboard the Glory Express.

I realize that my list of losers with aspirations does not include Seattle. Technically, at 6-5, the Hawks don't qualify for the losers bracket, although if ever a team deserves to be called a loser, it's this one. But I've got to cut it off somewhere. If all this bores you silly, I invite you to drop your gaze southward until you come to your favorite team, which, once again, will be handled with perception and sensitivity.

NFL Power Rankings Rank LW Team 1 1 Pittsburgh Steelers (10-1) When the offense has its less productive moments, the defense merely raises the ante. Reminds me of the great '76 team, which covered for the loss of Terry Bradshaw with the finest defensive play ever seen in the NFL. Sleeper on the current Steelers, unsung hero, call him what you will -- RCB Deshea Townsend. 2 2 New England Patriots (10-1) An eerie parallel to last season. In 2003, injuries ravaged the offensive line and the Pats went into the Super Bowl with two street free agents and a fifth round rookie among the starting five. Now the secondary is getting crippled, but the results don't show it. If I were betting, I'd say that the AFC Championship is going to be played in Foxborough. New England has only one team with a winning record left on the schedule, the Steelers have three, and I think they could suffer an upset in Jacksonville this weekend. That latest report was brought to you by the same gentleman who picked the Giants to upset Philly last Sunday. 3 3 Philadelphia Eagles (10-1) You know what's an interesting thing? All of a sudden you don't hear about the dreaded "parity" anymore. Flashy records at the top, miserable ones on the bottom ... true parity would have everyone in a kind of 6-5 or 5-6 grey mob. 4 5 Atlanta Falcons (9-2) What does it tell you when a team stinks in the third quarter? That the halftime adjustments didn't adjust anything? That the opponent came out more fired up? That the catered snacks between halves were lacking the proper nutrients? The Falcons' record in third quarters is 1-7-3. They've been outscored, 48-14. I'd be interested in your theories about this phenomenon. 5 6 San Diego Chargers (8-3) Let's hear it for Hudson Houck, one of the truly fine offensive line coaches in the game. His quintet that's providing such splendid protection for Drew Brees is composed of two rookies, RT Shane Olivea and C Nick Hardwick, two journeymen, LT Roman Oben and RG Mike Goff, and one high draft who was hurt all last year, LG Toniu Fonoti. None started in 2003. 6 7 Indianapolis Colts (8-3) I told my wife, "You just watch, I'm gonna do this without mentioning TD passes at all." The prediction was about as good as Philly-Giants because I've simply got to tell you that 19 of Peyton's payoff pitches came against the NFL North, which the Colts swept, 4-0. And if you're saying, "So what?" as I would, if I were reading this, I suggest you move on to ... 7 8 Green Bay Packers (7-4) Scoop McGinn from Green Bay reports that only one of Brett Favre's five sacks came against a blitz, and that was vs. the Redskins when TE Bubba Franks fanned against Marcus Washington. Last time I mentioned a Scoop McGinn statistic, Favre's consecutive passes without a sack, it drew a very heavy response from Eric Goska, another midwestern stats guy who has documentation to prove that he was the first to come up with the statistic. "Yes, I scooped Scoop," he says. Boys, I don't want to get in the middle of this. You are both fine fellas, so just keep sending the old doc your stats, and I'll keep pumping 'em in here and filling up the space. 8 4 Denver Broncos (7-4) OK Champ, what's the story? Jerry Porter beat you twice for TD's in the snow Sunday. The Bengals' Chad Johnson hit you for a pair of 50's. I mean all I keep hearing is how Champ Bailey is the NFL's premier shutdown corner, and it's really hilarious the way the TV announcers cop out whenever someone catches a biggie on him. "Porter was just in perfect position to make that catch," was Sunday night's interpretation by the ESPN geniuses. Wonder if a rookie cornerback gets the same treatment. 9 10 New York Jets (8-3) This is what I like about this team. Same comment as I made about the Steelers. When Quincy Carter was knocked out of a few series against Arizona and Brooks Bollinger got the call, the defense merely stepped up the level a few notches and didn't allow anything. Of course, you could argue the other side, too ... that it was against a struggling Shaun King, but why mess up a decent angle? 10 9 Baltimore Ravens (7-4) I couldn't read my own writing. On my chart it said, "Malt," and I was wondering, "Now who the hell is that?" Then I looked more closely. Ohhhh, Balt ... short for Baltimore? Got it now. I liked it the first way better ... more descriptive, actually, of what the team looked like in the rain and mud in Foxborough. How about "Melt?" 11 12 Minnesota Vikings (7-4) Yeah, I'll agree that the return of Randy Moss has made a tremendous difference. They're 5-1 with him, 2-3 without. But I draw the line when I hear mention of his "devastating blocking" against the Jaguars. C'mon now. Two guys standing straight up and doing that little push-dance they do on the outside? Puh-leeze! 12 11 Jacksonville Jaguars (6-5) They were winning 'em at the end for a while, and now it's starting to even up. Driving for the winning score, QB gets blindsided and fumbles, Vikings D-lineman Kevin Williams takes it back 77 yards, about four times the length of the longest gain by his illustrious teammate, the aforementioned Moss. 13 15 Buffalo Bills (5-6) I was waiting for the Mike Mularkey trickery to surface. He saved it all for the Seahawks, or in the words of our Seattle correspondent, Scott Johnson, "the Bills turned so many tricks that you'd have thought Heidi Fleiss was in charge." Sixty yards for a score on a no-huddle offense, to start the game, the key play coming on a high school throwback screen. Onside kick (recovered) to open the second half. Fake QB sneak and option pitchout that went for 30 yards and a fourth quarter TD. My advice to Buffalo -- don't waste 'em all now. They'll be sorely needed later on. 14 13 Seattle Seahawks (6-5) Their record gets them here, not their performance. After a 3-0 start, the Hawks decided to rest on their laurels. Not a good idea. Those laurels can get scratchy, and a nasty rash might develop. You won't get a good night's sleep at all. 15 14 New York Giants (5-6) Hey, we're out of teams with winning records. Now begins the longest yard. Playoff predictions for those with dim hopes: The Giants? Thumbs down. Three good defensive teams in a row, bang, bang, bang. Skins, Ravens, Steelers. Too much for young Eli. Final record, 7-9. 16 17 Cincinnati Bengals (5-6) Statistics are crazy little things. Two teams with defenses in the top half of the standings (Cincy was 16th, Cleveland 12th) were expected to control offenses that ranked 24th and 25th, respectively. Vegas, which never errs, set the over-under number at 38 points, sixth lowest of the weekend. Well, the odds-makers were only 68 points off, the 106 points becoming the second most ever. For a full explanation of this freak occurrence, you'll have to wait until the Cleveland descriptive.

CLICK HERE FOR DR. Z'S POWER RANKINGS -- TEAMS 17-32