Will the Curt Schilling (right) costume be popular this Halloween? Elsa/Getty Images

Last week I asked for help coming up with a Halloween costume. According to Wifey, I'm required to attend a Halloween party this weekend, and getting me into a costume is kind of like getting Michael Jordan to make a public appearance in Taiwan -- if it happens, it's going to be brief.

I got plenty of suggestions, though. Dave from Grande Prairie in Alberta, Canada, wrote: "I am on the same page as you, as I also hate to dress up for Halloween but am usually forced to. I always try to go with my favorite costume -- 'My Taller Twin Brother,' which is just me, standing on my tiptoes. People usually quit asking what you are dressed up as early into the evening." Especially when you stop tiptoeing around everywhere after about 10 minutes.

Abi from Chicago said, "You should just wear a 'Hello My Name Is' sticker. But instead of putting Lang on the sticker, put 'Jim.' No one will know it's you."

Wonderful, creative ideas, but I still can't imagine myself incognito.

What I could do, however, is dress up like a professional athlete. I wear jerseys and caps a couple of days a week anyway, so what's the big difference? Curt Schilling, for instance, would be simple -- a bloody sock, a three-day beard, walk with a limp. Or Barry Bonds -- buy a Giants hat a few sizes too small. Hey, someone let me borrow a backpack, and I'll go as Carmelo Anthony.

Easier, though, is figuring out who not to dress up as. Here's a list of 10 sports costumes to avoid this Halloween season. Think of it as what not to wear.

10. Steve Kline -- The Cards' top southpaw reliever -- he of the perpetually sweat-stained hat -- put off surgery one month ago so he could contribute through the postseason. Then, while watching television at the team hotel Saturday afternoon before the bus left for Fenway, Kline found out he'd been left off the World Series roster. Ouch.

9. Qyntel Woods -- They call him Qyn, but I don't know if they'll ever call him again. The young Trail Blazers forward is under investigation for staging dog fights at his Portland home, and he's suspended indefinitely.

8. Rod Coleman -- The Falcons' best defense tackle may or may not have hit a deer with his Escalade early one Saturday two weeks ago. Either way, he's hurt, and the hubbub in Atlanta surrounding this mess all week didn't help the team focus going into yesterday's debacle in K.C. (More on that later.)

7. Sol Campbell -- The most impressive streak in football history is over, and Chad Pennington had nothing to do with it. Arsenal, who were unbeaten in their last 49 matches in the English Premier League, finally lost yesterday, to archrival Manchester United, 2-0. The game was nil-nil in the second half when Arsenal's Campbell kicked near United's birthday boy Wayne Rooney, drawing a penalty kick that put United ahead for good. It's not the first time Campbell's been in the middle of controversy. Probably not Sol's fault, but someone must take the blame.

6. James Brown -- Did anyone see that enormous purple suit he was rocking on Fox yesterday? I kept waiting for him to start singing, "I love you, you love me ..."

5. Lydell Ross -- What is it with Ohio State running backs? The lead Buckeye tailback got in trouble at a strip club in Columbus. Details are fuzzy, but some of the things involved include a police report, an establishment named Pure Platinum and coupons.

4. Kim Clijsters -- One of the best female tennis players in the world has announced that she and men's No. 3-ranked Lleyton Hewitt have called off their engagement. I think something's getting lost in translation, but it sounds like things are still good when Clijsters writes on her Web site: "At the end of every year I go Down Under for a while and then we can spend several weeks together. We also play tennis together; in fact it's only a bit playing with the ball. But we like it that much, that we can't help it. At some time we want to play double mixed."

Well, not anymore, they don't.

3. Ron Zook -- I hate to pile on when someone is down, especially the coach of the Gators when they're playing my Georgia Bulldogs on Saturday. But giving Mississippi State -- last in Division I-A in total offense coming in -- its first conference win didn't foster much goodwill in Gainesville. Spurrier's available, isn't he?

2. Gary Bettman -- The NHL commish and the owners may be making a stand for the good of their game by locking out the players, but the league and the players haven't met since Sept. 9. The league recently gave teams permission to book concerts and events in their arenas for the next 45 days.

1. Kobe Bryant -- You know why.

Something I learned this week in an NBA locker room

DVD players in Europe and America are built so American machines will not play European DVDs, and vice-versa. According to San Antonio forward Ruben Boumtje Boumtje, who hails from Cameroon, DVD players in Africa are hit or miss. "Some play American, some play European. But I think most of them play European."

Game of the week

In honor of Halloween, here's something similar to Tetris, except with shrunken heads. Turn the volume down if you're at work.

Photo of the week

Here in the states, we get Steven Tyler singing the National Anthem. In Japan, Tom Cruise shows up to throw out the first pitch. I don't want to read too much into this, but check out his grip -- either he throws like a girl or he's about to let loose a palm ball.

Cliff's notes of the week

If you're not much of a reader, we've got you covered. Here's a great site with quick synopses of all the latest best-sellers, including how they end. This way you don't have to read Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven, although I'm guessing the five people Mitch meets won't be Chris Webber, Jalen Rose, Juwan Howard, Jimmy King and Ray Jackson.

Simpson of the week

In case you missed Saturday Night Live this weekend, pop tart Ashlee Simpson came out to sing some crappy song and someone hit the wrong button. Suddenly, the same song she sang earlier in the show blared from the speakers, complete with vocals.

A slow-thinking audio technician pulled down the vocal track, better never than late.

Wrong way of the week

Cross-country meets are generally boring to watch -- kids run into the woods, disappear, reappear 20 minutes later. Unless someone changed the route without telling anyone. Shouldn't they have known something was up when the official scorer's name was ... well, look for yourself.

Mahow of the week

Almost everyone loves Nelson De La Rosa, Pedro Martinez's lucky Dominican pocket Hercules. Now learn how to do Nelson's dance, the Mahow.

Think Pedro wears this under his jersey when he pitches?

Forget the curse of the Babe, now the Yankees must deal with the curse of the Mahow!

Feline of the week

This thing totally weirded me out. Whoever finds Cat Mobley in here gets a Scorecard Daily coffee mug.

The week ahead

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas -- Parents hate it, sure, but the Grand Theft Auto series has changed gaming as we know it. The latest iteration drops on Tuesday, set in the gangsta lean Cali of the '90s, with a soundtrack that includes 2Pac and Cypress Hill. Five-oh, ice.

The Dirty Birds -- The Chiefs destroyed the Falcons yesterday, 56-10. Shed a tear, Vermeil. The Falcons are 0-10-1 in their last 11 games on the road against AFC opponents. After the game, coach Junior Mora said, "Maybe sometimes, it's good to get your ass kicked." Yeah, or maybe not.

Lang Whitaker is the online editor at SLAM magazine and writes daily at SLAMonline.com. He's out looking for the houses where they leave a big bowl of unguarded candy on the doorstep.