Fast ones

This new NASCAR convert has a few questions about the speediest sport

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My dislike for NASCAR used to run deep. Growing up in the South, the sport was ubiquitous, mostly in the form of the stickers that appeared on fans' autos. Right after Dale Earnhardt was tragically killed in 2001, it seemed as if every car on the highway wore a huge No. 3 decal. (Which caused one of my NASCAR-ignorant friends to ask me why everyone was supporting Allen Iverson.)

Every year we'd drive to my grandfather's farm in Alabama for Christmas, and we'd pass the Talledega Superspeedway, occasionally stopping at the nearby racing-themed McDonald's. But my interest was never piqued. Even when my sister took a job marketing at NASCAR events, I refused to watch on TV, much less attend. My argument? NASCAR wasn't a sport. "All they do is make four left turns," I would say, knowing whomever I argued against would be infuriated.

My take on NASCAR changed last year. It was a Sunday afternoon, I was manning the couch and I stumbled across a race on TV. There was a wreck, so I watched for a few minutes. When the racing began again, two cars were duking it out for the lead, so that was compelling. And then someone wanted to pass someone else, so he rode up behind the guy, bumped into him and lifted the back of the guy's car into the air for a few seconds.

And I thought, This isn't half bad. As I've watched more and more NASCAR the past few months, I've realized that it is a sport. Because if people such as Oliver Miller can be considered athletes, so can these drivers.

Anyway, I must concede that sportswriters can be closed-minded. As a soccer fan I know how frustrating it is when some journalists (Jim Rome, for instance) refuse to acknowledge a sport's importance. They do it for two reasons. First, because their editors think that if they get a lot of hate mail for ignoring a sport they're doing their job. But, more important, some sportswriters do this because they're lazy and they don't want to invest time learning about a sport they may never master. Because of that they run the risk of sounding like an idiot when they write about it, so they don't.

I occasionally take notes during a basketball game and then run all my thoughts, even the ones not related to the game, in the daily column I write for SLAMonline.com.

On Sunday I tuned in to watch the Tropicana 400 and wrote down all the questions I had about NASCAR. Maybe the fans reading this can clear them up for me.

• Is there any sport with more participants whose first names end in a "y"? (i.e. Kenny, Ricky, Jimmy, Bobby, Marty, Benny ... )

• What race took place Saturday? The NBC announcers went on and on about some kind of Busch series, which I assume is a NASCAR minor league of sorts. Do the same guys race both days? Do they use three-wheelers? What's the difference?

• What exactly is a "wedge adjustment"? I thought that only occurred when Indians manager Eric Wedge made a lineup switch. In all the years I've been taking cars to the garage, no one's ever told me I needed a wedge adjustment, which may be why I've gotten ripped off on auto repairs so many times.

• Do stock cars have brake lights? What about windshield wipers? If so, do they even need them, since they don't drive in the rain?

• Why do they have security guards between the track and the stands? Seems like cars hurtling past at 175 mph would be deterrent enough to keep people at bay.

• Who is Zippy? The announcers kept talking about someone in relation to Tony Stewart named Zippy. Isn't that the line-drawing cartoon that was popular in the '80s?

• What is NASCAR probation? Stewart got into trouble a few weeks back after punching another driver, and his punishment was "probation."

(A few minutes after I wrote that down, Stewart had a wreck with Kasey Kahne and the two pit crews got in a brawl, which was awesome.)

• Do the cops stake out the parking lots after races? If I attended one, I don't see how I could drive away from the event at less than 65 mph.

• Where's the grounds crew? With 22 laps to go, a huge piece of twisted metal showed up on the back of the track. That caused a 5-minute delay, even though I could've run out there and back and grabbed it in a few seconds.

OK, those were my questions. Now, here are some of the observations I wrote down while watching the race.

• My favorite new term? "Vapor lock," which is what Ricky Davis has had for years.

• Provided no one is seriously injured, the car wrecks are mildly exciting, but in reality the accidents destroy the flow of the race. Especially when there are three or four stoppages during the final 50 laps.

•  Second-favorite new term of the day? "Spring rubbers." I think they used this term in reference to the Mark Martin/Viagra car.

• My favorite driver? I don't know. Maybe Jeff Gordon, because he seems really good but all the fans hate him.

• What can other sports learn from NASCAR? How about how to incorporate the graphics from the broadcast? As the cars race, they occasionally put the driver's stats on the screen with an arrow that moves around and points to his car. This should be part of NBA telecasts next season, so we don't have to wait for stoppages to catch up on who's scored what.

• You want endorsements? After Stewart won the race, he drove into Gatorade Victory Lane, where promotional bottles of Powerade were placed on his car. He immediately was handed a bottle of Coca-Cola, which he swigged from, and then he talked effusively about the Home Depot team. And you were annoyed by baseball's aborted plan to put Spider-Man 2 on the bases.

Quote of the Week

MAILBAG

"I think the best way we can adjust to it is by having a setup that is adjustable."
 -- Kurt Busch, NASCAR driver, on racing in the heat.

Stat of the Week

Of the 5.5 million tickets that were available for the Athens Games, about three million remain, according to Olympic organizers.

Game of the Week

In an effort to get into the Olympic spirit, here's an archery game, a genre we don't get nearly enough of. Takes a few hits to the head to win it.

Photo of the Week

You know what makes one of the most beautiful women in the world even more attractive? A huge tattoo of a tiger across her back.

Sign Your Franchise Is In Trouble of the Week

The Charlotte Bobcats have a 50-year-old free agent named Gary Brokaw on their official roster. He plays the position "AC."

Bad Idea of the Week

Defending World Cup champs Brazil will send all their best players to Haiti for a charity friendly match. The catch? To get into the game you can't buy a ticket, but must turn in a gun to gain entry. 

Links on the Links of the Week

Some dude in Mississippi is planning to build an indoor 18-hole golf course. Developers are calling it the Mississippi Dome, but they may want to consider naming it The Waste of Money.

Summer League Note of the Week

Ndudi Ebi, the 2003 first pick of the Minnesota Timberwolves in the 2003 NBA Draft, had 16 fouls in two games (players could not foul out). 

Story of the Week

Great piece in Sunday's New York Times Style Section, which includes details of Star Jones romping on a bed at a New York City lounge and Barbara Bush puking on a Manhattan sidewalk.

The Week Ahead

IT'S IN THE GAME -- EA Sports' latest masterpiece, NCAA Football 2005, drops on Thursday. I got an advance copy and have UGA firmly in the BCS mix. Coolest new addition is the discipline angle, which had me suspending players after they failed to show for study hall. Look for more on this game this week on SI.com.

He Gives This Column His Full Endorsement

The official first baseman of The Links, Fred McGriff, went 2-for-9 with no home runs the past week, leaving him stranded on career homer No. 493. Hopefully he'll use the All-Star break to recharge his batteries. I know I will.

Lang Whitaker is the online editor at SLAM magazine and writes daily at http://www.SLAMonline.com. He has never pasted NASCAR stickers on his car.