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Carmelo was the Rookie of the Year -- for more reasons than you think

It didn't seem quite right to watch LeBron James accept the Rookie of the Year award Tuesday night. Certainly he had a terrific season, living up to tremendous hype. The truth is, though, Carmelo Anthony is the real Rookie of the Year.

That's not just an opinion, it's a scientific fact. Well, maybe more like pseudo-science. But consider this: Carmelo's name yields more than 12,000 anagrams of three or fewer words. (If one includes anagrams of four or more words, the yield is much higher.) Carmelo's very name provides something for everybody; he's an inclusive figure for today's divisive times. LeBron? Less than 700 anagrams. Not bad, but not worthy of hardware.

Of course, we shouldn't get too carried away with something one might dismiss as mere wordplay. Carmelo's play makes him worthy of this award, a point only buttressed by his anagrams. There's little this 19-year-old can't do on the court. His quickness (nearly onto mach) makes him a tough matchup for any defender. He is willing and able to shoot from anywhere on the floor, which drives opposing scouts who are trying to record his tendencies crazy (chart man looney). Carmelo has a terrific shooting eye, almost mathematical in precision (cornea math only). He made more 3-pointers and shot them for a higher percentage than LeBron. Given that both have great footwork, shouldn't Carmelo's superior long-range shooting help determine the Rookie of the Year (hoofer, eye troika)?

While Carmelo possesses the perimeter skills of a guard, at 6-foot-8 he can also do damage inside. He snatches rebounds like a burly power forward (reach onto manly), with 6.1 a game to 5.5 for LeBron. 'Melo can not only grab defensive rebounds under the basket (carom 'neath only), but he can burn up the nets by converting off the offensive glass (carom, heat nylon). His terrific body control enables him to elevate in traffic, beat his man and still find the bucket (aero match: nylon). No wonder Carmelo's already a favorite of broadcasters around the league (colorman: hey, net!).

Though just a rookie, Carmelo displayed the traits of a veteran. He learned how to lurk in the passing lanes and pick off passes from less savvy opponents (con other laymen). He also discovered how to get calls from the refs (ahem! nylon actor), marching to the stripe 525 times this season (6.4 attempts per game), 65 more than LeBron.

Carmelo's work ethic is already legendary. Though his pedigree as a former college All-America makes him similar to the guys that always seem to end up as L.A. Clippers, Carmelo landed a little to the northeast and has proved to be far more industrious (LAC yeoman north).

Indeed, Carmelo's mid-range game and versatility marks him as a hoops throwback. One could write a book about his hoop genes -- not just the DNA, but the RNA too (halcyon RNA tome). The Nuggets' great hope plays like he sneaks in some pickup games at the local gym before heading to the arena (YMCA lather, noon) because he just can't get enough hoops. This isn't to say, however, that Carmelo's game lacks modern urban flair (canny Harlem, too).

In fact, when one looks closer, Carmelo is almost too good to be true. At times his game seems divinely inspired (holy cantor: amen). His rise -- from top-ranked high school team in the nation, to national champion in college, to the playoffs as a rookie -- is the kind of storybook tale we love to share with loved ones (Camelot yarn, hon). If Carmelo keeps up at this pace, he will be so popular in Denver that he'll likely move from the court right to City Hall when his career is over (channel to mayor). Of course, David Stern wouldn't mind it if one of the game's brightest stars ended up in a bigger market, perhaps playing for Isiah Thomas and the Knicks (aloha, NYC mentor).

Carmelo can teach us so much off the court as well. Should we be worrying about Iran more as a potential terrorist threat, for instance? Perhaps we should (Tehran moola NYC). Is there a solution to the dependence on foreign oil to be found in the American heartland? Could be (corn may ethanol). It's a shame Carmelo wasn't around, say, in 1930s Germany, when he likely would have warned the world about the growing threat from the SS's brownshirts with their sewn-on swastika emblems (Aryan cloth omen). Even on less weighty matters, such as The Sopranos, Carmelo points toward better days (Carmela, hon, Tony).

Then again, let's not make this ode to Carmelo a rip on LeBron. In almost any other year, LeBron would be a worthy runaway winner. His often spectacular play (re: noble jams) should not go overlooked, but his anagrams give pause. One still wishes he had at least made a one-year pit stop in college, like Carmelo. Wouldn't LeBron have looked great in the SEC, keeping Ole Miss players out of the paint (no Rebel jams)?

Moreover, there are hints that LeBron has some showboat in him (lob, jam, sneer). He has already been so hyped for so long that sometimes it seems that LeBron is just another part of our celebrity-obsessed pop culture (J. Lo smear Ben). Plus, with the most famous of the league's former straight-to-the-pros success stories in serious hot water these days, it might give one pause that LeBron's name can be rescrambled into man's job: leer.

Carmelo's buzz is low-key compared to the hype around King James (no monarchy tale). That doesn't mean, of course, that Carmelo doesn't have a legitimate claim to hoops royalty, just as Magic Johnson did despite losing out to Larry Bird for the 1980 ROY award (royal omen, natch). Plus, Carmelo's off-court image is spotless (ah! note normalcy). Carmelo's no racy hotel man; there will be no motel anarchy with groupies. He has a big contract, but you don't hear about Carmelo making wild purchases, perhaps just a few tasteful toys (one normal yacht).

The bottom line in the Carmelo-LeBron race, though, should be wins and losses. Both teams were a woeful 17-65 in 2002-03. This year both were vastly improved, but it was the Nuggets that earned the eighth seed in the fierce Western Conference with a 43-39 record. Considering Anthony's championship pedigree even before entering the NBA, it should be clear by now that he's all about winning (anchor team only).

Hopefully the NBA will revisit its choice, or at least factor anagram analysis into their selections in the future. If it helps, I would humbly suggest that before the league check with me first before announcing their Rookie of the Year (heretofore, I okay). It's to everyone's benefit to do this right.