
Posted: Tuesday August 10, 2004 11:47AM; Updated: Tuesday August 10, 2004 12:48PM
1. Baseball commissioner Bud Selig is confident that the Expos' new home will be determined by the end of September. "We all know it's critical," Selig told the L.A. Times. "We know this hasn't been the best thing." Gee, you think, Bud? Which part hasn't been the best? The part that MLB has managed the Expos as a ward of the state for two years, setting its (limited) budget and raising constant conflict-of-interest questions? Or the part where the franchise has been hanging in limbo for even longer than that? No, you're right, that probably hasn't been the best thing. 2. The 10 Spot has a new favorite Little Leaguer, Owensboro (Ky.) pitcher Cole Sturgeon. Besides the great name, Cole struck out 17 of the 19 batters he faced in Monday's Great Lakes Region championship as the Kentucky state champs beat Highland (Ind.) Little League to advance to the Little League World Series. 3. Why can't the Chargers get out of their own way? First Eli Manning dissed them, yet San Diego drafted him anyway. The Chargers seemed to recover quickly and well by hitting up the Giants for beaucoup draft picks while ending up with Philip Rivers, who they evidently liked just as much as Manning anyway. Now, though, contract negotiations with Rivers have broken down, and G.M. A.J. Smith has gone public to reveal that Rivers and agent Jimmy Sexton turned down the team's "final offer." It's always a risky proposition to start negotiating through the media, especially when the intent clearly seems to be turning the screws. This episode only revisits the nearly forgotten unpleasantness before the draft, when Smith, not the Mannings, went public that Eli and dad Archie didn't want the quarterback to play in San Diego. It doesn't appear that Smith is the easiest guy to deal with, not if he's going to go running to the press to make the other party look bad when things break down. 4. The most interesting aspect of Edgar Martinez's retirement announcement to the 10 Spot is that the DH is stepping aside in part to make room for youngster Bucky Jacobsen. Isn't Bucky Jacobsen the name of the Jewish cowboy in that old Steven Wright sketch?
5. Coors planned to break a new campaign for its Aspen Edge brand during Monday night's NFL exhibition game, with the tagline: "Arguably, the best low-carb lager." Has there ever been a more underwhelming advertising tagline? Couldn't they scare up a single superlative? Coors couldn't conduct a lone taste test in which Aspen Edge might win, so it could be billed as the best-tasting low-carb lager? Couldn't they cut some carbs to make it the lowest-carb lager? If a commercial can't assert anything stronger within the remarkably loose constraints of advertising honesty, how good can Aspen Edge be? Moreover, how plausible is the case that Coors must argue? One could posit, for example, that, "Arguably, walking is the fastest way to travel." But only if one eliminates all mechanized means of transportation, and one assumes that the individual is too out of shape to run, roller-blade or skateboard. Of course, perhaps Coors can settle the issue by shipping the 10 Spot a case of Aspen Edge and awaiting our own verdict. 6. Strange press release of the day: "What devoted golfer wouldn't want to spend eternity on the greens?" That's the question posed by Catawba Memorial Park Funerals and Cremations in Hickory, N.C., which has built a new cremation garden centered around a real putting green. The memorial park's staff will "show off" the concept at a booth at next week's Greater Hickory Classic at Rock Barn, a PGA Champions Tour event. Let's hope the green is more peaceful than No. 7 at Shinnecock. 7. Forget worms and maggots. In an English-Australian reality show that will air in those countries this week, the goal is to see how contestants can handle their steroids. In Cheating at Athens: Is It Worth It?, 24 amateur male athletes gathered in New South Wales, Australia, for a six-week experiment. Of the 24, 18 received regular injections, with half getting steroids and half receiving placebos. The other six men were given legal performance-enhancing drugs such as creatine. Some of the results were surprising, as several of the athletes on the placebo outperformed the others during the monitoring period. That might suggest that part of the effects of steroids are in the mind, or that steroids don't work for all athletes. One Canadian athlete left the program after four weeks, convinced that his mood swings and acne were caused by steroids. But as it turns out, he had been given the placebo. 8. Yes, I'm biased, but you've got to hand it to the Irish. Even when they get caught cheating, they still manage to come off as swell laddies. For example, Irish 10,000-meter runner Cathal Lombard was one of three international athletes booted from the Athens Games on Monday for testing positive for endurance-boosting EPO. On this side of the Atlantic, we'd expect a denial or justification followed quickly by a lawsuit. Yet Lombard told the Irish Examiner, "Hands up, I did it." He says he's unlikely to contest the findings. Yes, he fought the law, and the law won. Now let's all have a pint. 9. In another example of American-Canadian baseball diplomacy, the Rockies won't allow minor league pitcher Jeff Francis to wear the Maple Leaf in the Athens Olympics. Francis, a first-round draft pick in 2002 who is a combined 15-3 in Double-A and Triple-A this year, was slated to be the Canadian team's ace. Canada has already lost the services of Justin Morneau, who is now the everyday first baseman for the AL Central-leading Twins. At most, though, Francis would be a September call-up for a Rockies team that is 16 games out of first. It's a good thing that Canadians are so friendly, or they might start holding a grudge. Perhaps they can take solace in the fact that the U.S. didn't even qualify for the Olympics in baseball. 10. For the record, the 10 Spot is aware that the Jewish cowboy who romances a beautiful blonde Chinese woman in the sketch by deadpan comic Steven Wright was actually named Bucky Goldstein, not Bucky Jacobsen. So please, save your corrections.
|
| ||||||||||||||||||