Stop the insanity

Can it really be March Madness without bracket-busting upsets?

Where are my freaking upsets?

This is supposed to be March Madness, not a women's tennis tournament. I didn't spend the last 28 hours on the couch to watch all the top seeds take care of business. Is one No. 13 seed over a No. 4 seed too much to ask?

The first 24 games of the first round have been all about near-misses. After Maryland, Syracuse and Wake Forest all escaped potential disasters Thursday, you figured Friday would be upset city. And after a fairly uneventful first session, the late-afternoon games appeared set to deliver.

At one point, about 4:30 p.m. EST, Eastern Washington was tied with Oklahoma State, Northern Iowa had come back from 17 down against Georgia Tech, East Tennessee State was within two of Cincinnati and Western Michigan was continuing to hold a slight lead over Vanderbilt.

Of the four scenarios, I at least figured the notorious choke-artist Bearcats would come through for me. (Did you know Bob Huggins' teams have been bounced by a lower seed six of the past seven years? Is the committee really that impressed by Cincinnati's annual beat-downs of Southern Miss and Tulane that it continue to merit a high seed?) This was exactly the kind of game that goes the Cinderella's way, what with diminutive Buccaneers guard Tim Smith shining on center stage and Cincy chucking up ugly 3-pointers left and right.

The game went right down to the wire, with CBS started cutting away from other games for the potential epic finish -- and then ... nothing.

With the score tied in the final seconds, Tony Bobbitt hoisted up one of those ridiculous 3s from the corner .. and made it. Smith, who had been making everything all day en route to 26 points, missed a driving lay-up, and two of his teammates clanged putbacks, and Cinderella was dashed yet again.

The same thing happened to Northern Iowa. After hanging around the entire second half and cutting Georgia Tech's lead to three point, Ben Jacobsen's potential game-tying trey with nine seconds left went off target, and the bracket goes to form yet again.

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There was technically one "upset" Friday. Western Michigan, an 11th seed, actually had garnered favorite status in Vegas heading into its game against sixth-seeded Vanderbilt. The Broncos looked to be playing the part much of the game, with explosive swingman Mike Williams burning the Commodores for 24 points. But wouldn't you know it, Vandy went on a 20-6 run down the stretch to win by a comfortable 71-58 margin.

And so, we're left with the same tally as we were 18 hours earlier: Two upsets in 24 games. What gives? Wasn't this supposed to be the year of no dominant teams? Of overrated Big Ten teams and underrated mid-majors?

It will happen, but I'm tired of waiting. No one told me March Madness required such patience.

Stewart Mandel covers college sports for SI.com.