Makeover madness

Nebraska's West Coast conversion won't work unless defense excels

Bill Callahan isn't wasting any time implementing a full version of the West Coast offense at Nebraska. Ted Kirk/SI

I don't get the whole craze surrounding these TV makeover shows. Meet Jenny, a homely housewife with no self-confidence. You'll never believe what happens when we give her a new nose and chin! Oh, I think I can guess what happens. They take the blindfold off, she sobs uncontrollably, her husband does a dance of joy and they roll the credits. C'mon, if the show was any more predictable they'd call it Yes, Dear.

There's a makeover going on right now in college football, though, that, judging by my first batch of mail last week, is eliciting only slightly less curiosity than if Rick Neuheisel published A Guide to Picking the Tourney.

Why is there such a huge assumption that Nebraska will struggle just because the Huskers are learning the West Coast offense? College football isn't the NFL where your offense has to be super proficient and complicated to move the ball. How are teams going to scout this team? The only thing opposing coaches will have to work off of is Oakland Raiders tapes.
 --Tim, Milwaukee

Is it just me, or is Nebraska's attempt to run the West Coast offense the football version of Son in Law -- Pauly Shore comes to the Midwest, screws things up while trying to impart his surfer wisdom and finally figures things out at the end of the movie? Sounds like too many people have been "wheezin' the Juh-ooce" in the Heartland. What's your take, dude?
 --Glenn Burr, Dallas

First off, I'd just like to point out that according to Google, the end of that famous phrase can also be spelled "ja-uice," "juuuice" and "ji-oose." And to think Shore has a lifetime invite to the Playboy Mansion. What a country.

If Nebraska manages to have any kind of success at all on offense this season, Bill Callahan should automatically earn Coach of the Year. One need only look to Notre Dame the past couple of seasons to see what can happen when one tries to run the West Coast offense with an option quarterback, mediocre receivers and linemen primarily accustomed to run-blocking. And unlike Tyrone Willingham, who has implemented his system slowly, Callahan appears to be installing the whole thing at once, which puts an extraordinary onus on quarterback Joe Dailey. Unlike a pro signal-caller who can devote every waking moment to film study, a college QB has to deal with that pesky little distraction known as academics. I also wouldn't put too much stock in the "element of surprise" Tim alludes to. The West Coast offense is hardly new to the college game -- nearly the entire Pac-10 uses some variation of it, though admittedly not as run-oriented as the Raiders'.

One thing the Huskers do have going for them, however, and perhaps the reason Callahan feels confident throwing his offense into the fire right off the bat, is the presence of a potentially dominant defense. Nebraska allowed less than 300 yards per game last season and returns seven starters, including stalwarts Barrett Ruud and Josh Bullocks. If the Huskers are going to contend in the Big 12 they are going to need the defense to carry them, a la Notre Dame in Willingham's first season, when the Irish won 10 games.

That's the short-term prognosis, though. Only time will tell whether Callahan's experiment is ultimately Oscar worthy or doomed to the $1.99 rack at Blockbuster, alongside Son in Law.

The recent arrests and indefinite suspensions facing Buckeye players Ira Guilford and Louis Irizarry, as well as numerous other legal troubles surrounding OSU football players, make me wonder -- why can't Ohio State's football program stay out of trouble?
 --Billy H., Dublin, Ohio

MAILBAG MAILBAG Stewart Mandel will answer questions from SI.com readers each week in his mailbag. Your name: Your e-mail address: Your home town: Enter your question:

Too often we forget that these things do not happen in a vacuum. Back in February, when the Gary Barnett pile-on was in full effect, I tried to point out that critics were ignoring the fact that the Colorado campus as a whole is hardly a trouble-free environment (studies showed unusually high binge drinking among all students, not just athletes). Similarly, in trying to figure out why Ohio State's arrest total (15 since 2001) is so high, I tried to find some unusual contributing factors, because I highly doubt the Buckeyes are recruiting significantly worse characters than any other powerhouse.

One that jumps to mind is the fact that Ohio State is one of the only high-profile programs set in a big-city, urban environment. If you've ever been there, you know what I'm talking about. According to FBI statistics from 2001, Columbus has the seventh-highest rate of crime per capita of the 56 biggest cities in the U.S. Is it any coincidence that the football program mirrors that of the larger population? And as AD Andy Geiger pointed out, Buckeye football is the biggest media story in town, unlike USC or Miami, where player crimes can more easily go unnoticed. None of this should be viewed as an excuse for unacceptable behavior, but it may help shed some light on the source of the problem.

In the next three to five years can Mike Shula (or whoever is the coach then) bring Alabama back to being a perennial national power, or should Tide fans get used to 8-4 records like our neighbors on the plains have done so well the last 20 years?
 --Dale Satterfield, Huntsville, Ala.

You've got to love it -- his team went 4-9 last year and he's still talking trash. If there's one thing I've learned it's that you can always count on Alabama (and Auburn, for that matter) to provide endless amusement for the rest of us. Speaking of which, did you see the story about someone beating up and stealing files from that nutty Memphis lawyer who's accusing Tennessee and the NCAA of conspiring to bring down the Tide? Someone ought to tell John Grisham to branch out of Mississippi and set his next novel around Alabama football.

To answer Dale's question, 'Bama fans ought to get accustomed to 8-4 records -- not because of anything Mike Shula may or may not do but because times have changed and no team in the country can reasonably expect to win 10-11 games every year. Oklahoma and Miami might be doing it now, but only five years ago the Sooners were a laughingstock, and the 'Canes, like Florida State, might soon find it tougher to win that many games in the improved ACC. Now, can the Tide reasonably expect to compete for conference and national titles on a more consistent basis than they have the last decade? Absolutely. Whether or not they have the right coach to do it, however, can't truly be assessed until the probation damage has subsided, which won't be for a few more years.

Has Barry Alvarez run out of gas at Wisconsin? Not only have his recent teams lacked depth and the O-line strength of the late-'90s Rose Bowl teams, but the Badgers recruiting has looked screwy -- a lot of very talented receivers for a coaching staff that has emphasized the running game. All respect to what Barry accomplished in the '90s, but since he's scheduled to become AD anyway isn't it time Wisconsin moved on to a new coach?
 --Joe B., Kennesaw, Ga.

I am choosing to answer Joe's question mostly because I fear he has a gun. Nothing personal, just that it's the law in Kennesaw for residents to maintain a firearm. I'm not kidding.

The most conspicuous trait about Alvarez's three straight mediocre teams has been their weakness on defense (though last year's was somewhat better). You never saw that on Wisconsin's Rose Bowl teams. But with longtime coordinator Kevin Cosgrove off to Nebraska, the Badgers have some new blood in the form of former Kansas State co-coordinator Bret Bielema, widely regarded as an up-and-comer in the profession. You know Wisconsin is going to be able to run the ball, so if Bielema can turn the corner with the defense, this question may seem altogether moot by the end of the season. If, however, it's another middle-of-the-pack finish for the Badgers, then maybe it's time for Alvarez to consider some significant changes. I'm not going to suggest stepping aside, because he's long since earned the right there to determine his own fate.

Never any preseason love for the Washington State Cougars. WSU has had three 10-win season in a row. In those 10-win seasons, the Cougs never entered the season ranked in the preseason top 25. When will sportswriters ever pay any attention to a team that has played with the best, hung with the best and even beat some of the best ... but just happens to play in Pullman, Wash.?
 --Travis Glendenning, Vancouver, Wash.

I'll be the first to admit I didn't give Wazzu enough credit going into last season, mainly because the Cougars had just lost Mike Price and Jason Gesser. After the way they handled Texas in the Holiday Bowl, however, there was no way that was going to happen this year. The Cougs have reached the level where you have to find a reason not to rank them.

Unfortunately, that reason exists this season. They lost a staggering 16 starters, including their quarterback (Matt Kegel), top two running backs (Jonathan Smith and Jermaine Green), top three receivers (Devard Darling, Scott Lunde and Sammy Moore), top pass-rusher (D.D. Acholonu) and top two tacklers (Don Jackson and Erik Coleman). Washington State has come a long way in recruiting, but not to the point where the Cougars can lose that much talent and experience and move on like nothing happened. Any team, save perhaps Miami, would be similarly affected. Linebacker Will Derting is a great player but he's not going to be able to win 10 games by himself.

Hilary Duff being the Mailbag girl of 2003, I'm here to push Lindsay Lohan as the choice for 2004. She has a No. 1 movie in Mean Girls and will be 18 before NCAA Football 2005 even comes out, which doesn't hurt. -- Miles, Cedar Falls, Iowa

I was indifferent toward Lohan until her recent appearance on Saturday Night Live. That Harry Potter sketch was gold. And just for the record, before all you moral watchdogs start flooding my inbox, no, I do not think it's distasteful to admire a 17-year-old actress. In the real world, yes, completely wrong, but in the unreal world of celebrity? Let's not kid ourselves. Stars like Duff, Lohan, Mandy Moore and Catholic schoolgirl era Britney Spears aren't being marketed for their acting skills.

On a related note, America's moviegoing tastes continue to baffle me. How is it that Mean Girls debuted at No. 1 but Elisha Cuthbert's The Girl Next Door was out of the theaters in two weeks?

Memphis should have been included in your top 25. They went 9-4 last year, beating Ole Miss 44-34 and demolishing Louisville 37-7. All of their losses on defense have been filled with better players and they had the strongest recruiting class in C-USA. --Ken, Raleigh, N.C.

If a Big Ten team went 9-4 and returned all 11 offensive starters, as Memphis does, it would probably be a consensus top five team. But let's face it, for a Conference USA team to finish in the top 25, it can probably afford to do no worse than 10-1. The Tigers, who made significant strides last season, could have a very good year and still finish 8-3. That doesn't mean they won't be worth keeping an eye on, though, if for no other reason than to see if the infamous Albert Means, moved to defensive end for his senior season, will finally live up to his massive potential. He had a highly productive spring.

Meanwhile, I can't remember the last time I had a highly productive spring. But that's neither here nor there.

Stewart Mandel covers college sports for SI.com.