After absorbing all that they could of the UNC-Duke hatefest, our road trip rivals Scott Allen (Stanford) and Grant Marek (Cal) headed to the Bluegrass State, where the locals say the definition of a pervert is someone who enjoys sex more than basketball. Amid a rabid fan base of Old Kentucky homers, we embedded the two in Lexington and Louisville, where they experienced first-hand the madness behind this recently reborn (thanks Rick Pitino) hoops rivalry.

Dear Lexington Lightweight,

With unlimited pitchers at Kentucky's Kitty O'Shea's and killer chili-cheese fries at Tolly-Ho's, it's hard to imagine why Slick Rick ever wanted to leave Lexington to coach the Celtics!?!

SIOC's Arash Markazi, Grant Marek, Scott Allen and Jaime Lowe took time off the road to enjoy the Blugrass State. SIOC

THE ULTIMATE ROAD TRIP From New York to St. Louis, SI On Campus' three-week tour of the NCAA tournament Day Diary Entry Day 1 From Bobby Hurley to Villanova Day 2 Delaware State's Dance debut Day 3 Meet the tourney's first stars Day 4 Touring the Hoosier State Day 5 St. Paddy's Day in Indy Day 6 A Nick Lachey Sighting Day 7 Tennessee, some Hatters and "Ed" Day 8 Making way for the Cali crew Day 9 Cal-Stanford meet UNC-Duke Day 10 Sean May bakes cupcakes Day 11 Getting down with the Bluegrass Rivalry Day 12 The Sweet 16 at a hardware store Day 13 We're just mad about Madison Day 14 Warm and fuzzy receptions Day 15 In-house for a double-OT thriller Day 16 Road kill, horse and highway Day 17 BBQ and the Elite Eight Day 18 The Batmobile stops in St. Louis Day 19 Brews, horses, high-flying dunks Day 20 Nerf balls and a Globetrotters sighting Day 21 I need one! Just one! Day 22 View of the women's game Day 23 Title thoughts and the Illinois' scene Day 24 The final chapter ends in Indianapolis

Word out of Kitty's is that Mrs. Pitino loathed Lexington. The erstwhile restaurateur (remember Bravo Pitino?) may be whipped, but now he has returned and put Louisville back on the college hoops' map. We can only hope his next stop is Berkeley, where your boy Ben Braun has no interest in keeping his job as head coach of a program without a pulse.

The Bench is a joke of a student section,
Scott

Dear One Beer Wonder,

Scottie, really, citing your sources -- particularly a group of inebriated coeds at a bar serving unlimited pitchers -- is something we all learned in journalism preschool. But what are rivals for? Let me give you a hand. That one about Mrs. Pitino hating Lexington came from Erik, a UK sophomore who also said he was Gerry McNamara's third cousin. You remember, he was the guy who got kicked out for peeing in the sink of the men's room.

As much as Benedict Rick did for the Wildcats (a national title in 1996), his loyalty was sorely lacking. I mean, it's not as if that the 'Furds own sideline Judas, Mike Montgomery, is going to ditch the powerhouse Golden State Warriors and come to Cal -- I'd sooner cover men's gymnastics for the rest of my life than see Monty on the Haas sidelines.

Who needs a competent basketball coach when we've got Jeff Tedford, our own personal god?

Your mom,
Grant

Dear sinner,

Hmm, it says right here in the Book of Revelations Cal sucks.

So maybe Erik stretched the truth a little bit, but to be honest, the only credible, sober source either of us heard from last night was Kentucky student Allison's mom (they know best) via the phone. Louisville would probably beat Kentucky now, she said, 'cause the Wildcats aren't shooting the trey well.

Sure beats the analysis I've seen on ESPN, where Ashley Judd gets more face time than Tubby Smith. OK, in some ways that's a good thing, but come on, it's not like Tiger's girl Elin Nordegren is sitting courtside. Judd should stick to romancing Hugh Jackman on the silver screen and stay out of the eRUPPtion zone, which could use a little help from us in the clever cheer department, according to our friends in the UK Student Center: "Yeah, we should get some of those (funny cheers)."

Your Daddy,
Scott