Posted: Thursday June 2, 2005 12:25PM; Updated: Thursday June 2, 2005 4:07PM
Only Larry Brown knows whose bench he'll be sitting on next season -- or if he'll even be on the bench at all.
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Are you like me? Do you spend most mornings tearing through the sports section like a cat through a brown paper bag, desperate for any shred of Larry Brown news? Can't get enough of those AM radio jocks debating his next move? Already wondering when your favorite team plans on entering the derby?
Well wonder no longer, for you too can take a spin on the 24-hour news cycle by floating a Larry Brown rumor of your own! Whether you're an NBA general manager or the night manager at Blockbuster, if you've got a hot tip about a potential job opening, you'd be wise to immediately get word out that Brown has already interviewed.
Here are 10 easy steps on how to link Larry Brown to another gig.
1. Start a rumor about another coach getting fired. Whether that coach has won five games or 50, a little doubt can go a long way toward inciting a regime change. In the case of the five-win coach, it's best to start by tapping into the collective disappointment of his team's fan base. Make sure you ignore whatever injuries or events transpired throughout the year to establish a link between the lost season and the coach's suspect leadership.
In the case of the 50-win coach, there's always going to be someone out there who will wonder whether Brown could have won 51 games and the NBA championship. In your reporting, make sure to attribute any thoughts you might entertain to this effect to "management." Also, be sure to make regular reference to a "hot seat" or "vote of confidence" when discussing a coach's tenuous job security. Adverbs such as "likely" and "allegedly" are helpful in forecasting events that have yet to occur.
2. Establish a link. No job rumor involving Brown can be trusted unless a solid connection between him and his employer-to-be is made. Sometimes that connection is professional, as it was when Brown was rumored to be among the frontrunners to succeed Dean Smith at North Carolina. Other times it's personal, like his ties to New York City and affinity for the hometown Knicks. But most any other time, it can be trivial. If your report, for example, has Brown taking a job in Los Angeles, then be sure to make mention of Brown's house in Malibu, or his taste for Ludacris and OutKast if sources say there might also be some interest in Atlanta.
3. Play up the adversity in the next job. Brown loves to slight Phil Jackson for walking into championship-ready situations and wouldn't think of doing the same. Unlike Jackson, Brown is helplessly drawn to the curmudgeon star, the losing record, the stodgy management. The ship has to be "rudderless," the situation "beyond repair," the fans "desperate for a winner," and Brown the only man who can get things "back on track."