Robert Horry changed the outcome of the NBA Finals with his Game 5 performance. Terrence Vaccaro/Getty Images

"If the Eagles have Robert Horry in this year's Super Bowl, we're still cleaning confetti out of our hair."
-- A host on WIP sports radio in Philadelphia, after yet another Robert Horry clutch basket lifted San Antonio to a win in Game 5 of the NBA finals.

If the National Council of Women's Organizations has Robert Horry, Martha Burk and Hootie Johnson have a 10 a.m. tee time tomorrow at Augusta National.

If the Germans had Robert Horry in World War II, it's a lot easier to get a good bratwurst in London these days.

If the Stanford band had Robert Horry, Cal's Kevin Moen gets tackled on the 2-yard line.

If the Chicago Seven has Robert Horry, Abbie Hoffman's face is on Mt. Rushmore today.

If the Brat Pack had Robert Horry, St. Elmo's Fire wins the 1985 Oscar for Best Picture.

If the XFL had Robert Horry, Vince McMahon and Paul Tagliabue are in merger talks right now.

If the ECW wrestling organization had Robert Horry, Vince McMahon and Paul Heyman are in merger talks right now.

If the Miles Davis Quintet has Robert Horry, the top five cellphone ringtones today are straight jazz, baby.

If Star Trek: Deep Space Nine had Robert Horry, then Kirk and Picard are playing for second place.

If the Bay City Rollers have Robert Horry, the Scottish invasion is what we all remember.

If Gwyneth Paltrow marries Robert Horry, the kid's name isn't Apple; it's Roberta.

If the 2002 Miami Hurricanes football team has Robert Horry, then Ohio State fans can't think of Maurice Clarett and say it was all worth it.

If the Pequod has Robert Horry, he alone lives to tell the tale.

If the No-Name Defense has Robert Horry, it needs a new nickname.

If Enron has Robert Horry, the house of cards is still standing.

In Jean Van de Velde's has Robert Horry on the bag at the 1999 British Open, the world doesn't know what he looks like standing in a stream.

If Robert Horry is in the Garden of Eden, the snake is still looking to unload his apple.

If Robert Horry has an unforgiving minute, he fills it with sixty seconds of distance run, and then his is the Earth and everything in it -- and what's more, he's a man, my son.