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Surprise party (cont.)

Posted: Wednesday September 14, 2005 11:57AM; Updated: Wednesday September 14, 2005 1:02PM
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NFL Power Rankings
Rank LW Team
17 --
Cincinnati Bengals (1-0)
The last two seasons began at 1-4 and ended at 8-8. But the schedules were not as soft as this year's. The first six games offer teams with a combined 38-58 mark from last season. Which means that ... which means ... . "that even if those teams were easy last year, it doesn't mean they're gonna be just as easy this year," interrupts my wife avec les cheveaux rouge. How'd you learn so much football, Linda? My God, I've created a Finkelstein Monster.
18 --
San Diego Chargers (0-1)
Game plan magic. LaDainian Tomlinson, one of pro football's great weapons, was written out of the attack during crunch time Sunday. He ended the day with not one catch. And this is a guy who had 100 two years ago.
19 --
Baltimore Ravens (0-1)
You know what I'm sick of? The artificial tackles and assists numbers the stat crew, which is composed of employees of the home team, in this case the Ravens, awards to Ray Lewis. They appeared in the Indy game stat sheet as 8-2 T&A. I watched this oh so carefully. Not only was Ray hardly a factor against the Colts, but there's no way he could have made 10 tackles, even if they would have awarded some for merely yelling at the ball cariers. It's shameful, but every home team boosts its superstars this way. I command you, my readers, not to pay attention to these statistics.
20 --
Seattle Seahawks (0-1)
If I weren't so tired Sunday night, when I did my handicapping column, I would have made Atlanta my upset special No. 5 against the 'Hawks, playing in Seattle. I have a feeling a lot of honest investors will be cursing this Hawkeye bunch by season's end.
21 --
Minnesota Vikings (0-1)
Never judge anything by what happens in the exhibition season. Minny was 3-1. Then they stunk it up against the Bucs. It means nothing, less than nothing, minus nothing, actually, because many times coaches desperate to hang onto their jobs attempt to fool their owners by going for victories in the preseason.
22 --
Arizona Cardinals (0-1)
If I live to be 100, and right now I'm close, I will never understand why coaches do this: With the score, 42-19, Giants, and about a minute to play, Arizona's Larry Fitzgerald, who has worn himself out catching 12 passes, catches No. 13 down the sideline and takes a kill shot from the cornerback. His helmet flies off and everyone goes oooooh! Why? Tell me why he's still in there, running on tired legs, risking serious disablement? Is it some sort of macho esprit de corps thing that began with King Leonidas at Thermopylae? I'm waiting to find out.
23 --
Washington Redskins (1-0)
Wow, Joe Gibbs' quarterback carnival begins early this year. Half a game was all it took. And that was after Patrick Ramsey had been groomed for the job all preseason. As they say in the western films, the argument is just starting, podnah.
24 --
Oakland Raiders (0-1)
Patriots front four destroyed massive, sluggish Raiders forward wall. Somehow I had neglected this team when I drew up my list of 10 worst O-lines in the NFL. Sorry for the omission. It will be corrected immediately.
25 --
St. Louis Rams (0-1)
Special teams were miserable last year. Glad to see the matter was properly addressed. The tally against SF: St.Looie, two punt returns for a 7.0 average. Niners, one for 75 and a TD. St.Looie, four kickoff returns for a 13.8 average. Niners, five for 24.6. Don't forget this was the team that fired Bobby April two years ago ... one of the best special teams coaches in the business.
26 --
Green Bay Packers (0-1)
Wideout Javon Walker was the best young player on the Packers roster. This summer he threatened to hold out because he felt his base salaries for '05 and '06, the last two years of his contract, were too low. Then he gave in and reported on time anyway. His agent argued that a major injury could end his future chances to land a really good deal. On Sunday that's exactly what happened. Torn ACL. Out for the season. So waddya say, folks. Let's not be too hard on every holdout from now on, OK?
27 --
Cleveland Browns (0-1)
New running back Reuben Droughns averaged 6.5 yards on 12 carries against the Bengals. But of their nine third or fourth down short yardage plays (one or two yards to go), the Browns threw the ball eight times. Six of the passes failed to get the first down.
28 --
Chicago Bears (0-1)
I know, they shouldn't be this low after they played the Redskins tough, but they were my Upset Special, and I'm bitter, see. At the end, they had the ball in Skins' territory, and I'd already kicked the field goal for them and written down a W on my sheet. So what happens? Three false start penalties and a sack, and they're out in the parking lot, looking at third and 38. I think I'm gonna move 'em down to 32nd.
29 --
Denver Broncos (0-1)
Ron Dayne, after establishing himself as one of the most prolific preseason backs, surprise, with 35 carries for 187 yards, a 5.3 average, was inactive Sunday. (If injury was the reason, then I apologize). I'll say this again. More mysterious things happen with this team than in the Denville, NJ, Key Foods parking lot at 4 a.m. Saturday.
30 --
New York Jets (0-1)
Nose tackle James Reed punched MLB Jonathan Vilma on the sidelines during the Chiefs game. Nobody said why, but I can close my eyes and hear the dialogue. Reed, you see, is one of the committee members chosen to replace Jason Ferguson, who did such a good job last year of keeping the blockers off Vilma, who's undersized for a middle man. On Sunday the Jets got overrun by Chief ball carriers. Vilma: "Gotta keep 'em off me, man." Reed: "You do your job, I'll do mine." Vilma: "Well, how about if you start doing it?" Wham!
31 --
Tennessee Titans (0-1)
I really don't want to say much here because this is too depressing. It's a lesson in what happens when the salary cap has been screwed on too tight.
32 --
Houston Texans (0-1)
Five turnovers, five sacks, 120 yards of offense, the low number in the NFL on Sunday. Waddya think, does that swing it for the cellar spot?

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