Sure, Arnold Palmer is a legend, but once his skills deteriorated, he should've retired. Adam Pretty/Getty Images

I hate golf. I do not understand how anyone can enjoy it, much less love it. I think golf is a waste of time and a waste of a sunny afternoon. I also stink at it. I have never found anything, including divorce and a sexual harassment suit, more frustrating.

I am certainly in the minority when it comes to this viewpoint. There are so many golfers in this country it is sickening. There are more than 15,000 golf courses in the U.S. and all of them are crowded. How could it be that more people visit the links than cemeteries? Both have roughly the same amount of manicured grass but at least at a cemetery you have no illusions of leaving in a good mood.

The average golf course is between 150 and 200 acres. Sadly, half of the average golf course is unplayable. More sadly, those approximately 75 unplayable acres are where many golfers play most of their game.

My father and his friend Fred played 18 holes last weekend and I jokingly e-mailed dad and wrote, "Let me know if you break 100." His reply was, "I shot 105, Fred shot 101. My legs are cramping up and I am wiped out." Ah, how relaxing. My father, by the way, is 68, and has been playing his entire life. He once told me that what he finds so maddening about golf is that he never seems to get any better at it. That's how I felt about algebra and bar fights. When human beings stop progressing at an endeavor, they stop enjoying it and move on to something else. Not golfers. Masochists, all of them. Here is something you will never hear from two golfers.

"How was golf today?"

"Great!"

Quite a stubborn bunch. Never have so many poorly-skilled people spent more money on an activity that makes them swear and hate themselves. An average round costs about $50. The only thing that could leave you more frustrated for $50 is a lap dance. In defense of lap dances, they are usually conducted in air conditioning.