Posted: Friday September 9, 2005 12:02PM; Updated: Friday September 9, 2005 3:43PM
Whoa. After my abysmal opening week (3-7), I feel as if I'm playing Ron Burgundy to your Veronica Corningstone, begging you to give me a second chance at a first impression. So, in regard to this week's picks, I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. With help from Will Ferrell here are this weekend's picks.
"You violated rule Numero Uno: You messed with Texas. That's right. Don't mess with Texas." Exactly what type of "strategery" do the Buckeyes have in store for Longhorn QB Vince Young? Everyone has told you this is the season's best matchup, and they're correct. More than anything, let's thank the A.D.'s in Austin and Columbus for scheduling this one.
"Blue, you're my boy!" Or is it, Blue & Gold, you're my boy? Are Brady Quinn and his bunch ready to redeem themselves for the 38-0 spanking they took two years ago in Ann Arbor? Or will Wolverine sophomores Chad Henne and Michael Hart be inspired to get revenge for last year's 28-20 loss in South Bend?
"Well, um, it's actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that." Cool gesture by the Sun Devils, who are inviting all Hurricane Katrina evacuees in the Phoenix area to attend the game, which was supposed to be played in Baton Rouge, for free. Creole meets cactus.
"I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal." Steve Spurrier has faced the Bulldogs 15 times as a player and coach, but always as a Gator ... only once did the rumble occur between the hedges (1995, a 52-17 UF win). The Dawgs looked impressive last Saturday in a route of Boise State. Can Spurrier outfit the Gamecocks in orange-and-blue jerseys?
"They're like four-foot whirling dervishes. I don't even know what a whirling dervish is but that's what they're like." Golden Bears tailback Marshawn Lynch (24 carries, 147 yards) is not who Ty Willingham and the Huskies want to see a week after blowing a 17-6 fourth-quarter lead at home to Air Force in their opener.
"I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you, to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannonball!" Cannonball? No, Reggie Ball. Tech's QB, the 2003 ACC Rookie of the Year, looked polished in the win at Auburn. The difference, though, will be the Yellow Jacket defense, which for the second week in a row will feast on a first-time starter at QB -- the Heels' Matt Baker.
"Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!" Brian Broadwater. Brian Madden. Craig Candeto. Aaron Polanco. And now, Lamar Owens. The Middies break in their fifth starting QB in the past six seasons, but it never matters what undersized water bug is running Navy's triple-option. They all look -- and run -- the same, which is to say, elusively. Nurse, my crazy pills!
"You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juice boxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juice box!" Beavers head coach Mike Riley lost four assistants in the offseason, so last week's 41-14 win against Portland State played more like a headset dress rehearsal. The Broncos hung 53 on the Beavs in Boise last year.
"All right, gang, let's just shoot some tear gas into the diner, and then when the guys come out with the monkey, we'll... F---- beans. That was them, wasn't it?" The Golden Panthers lost by 14 at K-State last week, but in Lubbock, against Mike Leach's passing attack, the game may already be over by the time they figure out a plan.
"We're going streaking!" Let's see. The Cardinals were outscored 49-0 in the first half at Iowa a week ago, while the Falcons put up 35 in the first half against the Badgers at Camp Randall. Bowling Green QB Omar Jacobs threw for 458 yards and five TDs. Vegas has no line on this one. Our take? Omar, easy (hey, didn't he used to play for Penn State?).