Snooze-alarm the echoes. It's been 12 years since Notre Dame last knocked off a top-ranked team (Notre Dame 31, Florida State 24) and 17 years (to the day, in fact) since the Irish upset another dominant power (Notre Dame 31, Miami 30). Those Hurricanes were more imposing than these Trojans. Then again, those Irish had Frank Stams, Michael Stonebreaker and Chris Zorich. These Irish are a year away, defensively.
My somewhat unscientific method to calibrate the 2006 Rose Bowl participants: add each team's national ranking in scoring offense and scoring defense. The two teams with the lowest sums are invited. Thus far that would be the Longhorns (4 + 8) and Virginia Tech (12 + 1). Now, if any starter from either team incorrectly adds those sums, that team is DQ'd and No. 3 Texas Tech (1 + 16) is tendered the invite.
Urban Meyer may be an offensive genius, but he needs a remedial text-messaging course. Reportedly Meyer text'ed blue-chip QB Tim Tebow the following: TT: If we were scoring 50 points a game, we wouldn't need you. Obviously we need an athlete that's the right fit. National Championship, Heisman, it's all waiting for you. Urban Meyer." I mean, who uses "obviously" in a text message? And that last phrase? It should read, "All 4 U. UM". Geez.
Ohio State needs a hug. That's what happens when the team from Columbus absorbs two losses before Columbus Day. Drew Stanton leads the Big Eleven's (you can't expect me to riff on arithmetic two games above and then be mathematically inaccurate here, now can you?) best offense against A.J. Hawk and the conference's stingiest D. Seriously. The Buckeyes are horrible tippers. I've seen it.
Headline I'd like to have seen on the recent story concerning the Minnesota Vikings' alleged sex cruise: "IF THIS BOAT'S A ROCKIN', DON'T BOTHER DOCKIN.'" The Vikes, by the way, have lent entirely new meaning to the term "purple pros(e)." What? Huh? Oh, yeah, Paul Bunyan's Axe. This indoor game will have an ArenaBall-like score.
Recently a college football writer, referencing Notre Dame wideout Jeff Samardzija and Nittany Lion linebacker stud Dan Posluszny, noted that "it's quite a year for ethnic names." Because there are non-ethnic names? (Can it, Malcolm X fans). I dunno, but I do know that Posluszny stuffed the Buckeyes last Saturday and turned 21 Monday, so it's been quite a week for ethnic-named linebackers.
Don't you love how Major League shortstops have adopted Paul Revere's "One if by land, two if by sea" approach to rescuing folks in Beantown? Last April, Alex Rodriguez saved a boy from being hit by a bus and earlier this week Nomar Garciaparra fished two women (who were not, as I'd first assumed, castaways from the Minnesota Vikings sex party) out of Boston Harbor. Eagles' final tuneup before Oct. 27 ACC showdown in Blacksburg.
You may be wondering why the unbeaten Bruins are only a six-point favorite against a team that lost at home to Stanford. Well, UCLA is winless in its last four visits to the Palouse. More pertinently, the Bruins are 105th nationally versus the run while the Cougars' Jerome Harrison (148.2 yards per game) is third in the nation in rushing.
Let me get all Hank Goldberg on ya: Red Raiders are 23-3 versus unranked teams in the Mike Leach-era with an average margin of victory of 23.7 points (the spread is 13.5). Now let me get all Adam Goldberg (in Saving Private Ryan) on ya': "[bleeped] up beyond all recognition." What, you expected Whoopi Goldberg? You expected me to quote Ghost?
This game, despite my best efforts, has not been dubbed as "The Revenge of Pittsnogle!" Remember? Albuquerque regional? Just seven months ago? Louisville 93, West Virginia 85 in OT? The Mountaineers sank 18 3-pointers that day. If they need to rely on 3s as much this afternoon, that spells trouble.