Posted: Monday December 12, 2005 1:15PM; Updated: Monday December 12, 2005 3:35PM
The players, almost comically, are downright incensed. You can make them wear suits, take away their iPods, even yank their jewelry. But their long shorts? Oh no you didn't! Player's Association president Billy Hunter got so fired up that he turned into Don King, describing the fines by using words like "insidious" and, my personal favorite, "Draconian." Off the record, the players I've spoken to are vowing to fight this to end. A dress code? Well, if you say so. Shorts? Never!
Anyway, if Stern and the League office really want to crack down on something, there is a much more vicious scourge in the NBA right now, something more offensive to me than a 10-inch inseam: men in tights. Kobe Bryant is the League's most famous tights wearer, though a few others have dabbled in them (including Milwaukee's Joe Smith). We don't know why, and we don't care why. As Marcus Camby famously announced, "I don't wear pantyhose."
At the end of the day, I suppose the uniforms will be uniform if that's what Stern really wants. Kids will still buy the shorts two sizes too large and wear them baggy. John Stockton wore them high and tight for almost two decades, and as far as I know there wasn't a run on short shorts in the Utah area. Stern's edict just means one more chunk of the NBA will go from being a reflection of the culture to a corporate property. Heck, it's the guys inside the uniforms that matter, anyway.
Tights, though, now there's a problem we should really address.
Game Of The Week
In honor of the holiday season, let's get into the spirit and go snowboarding as Santa Claus. (I broke 200,000 in my first game. Just putting that out there.)
Shopping Idea Of The Week
Since we'll all be facing a lot of crowded malls and long lines over the next few weeks, I thought we should take a moment to take a look at the latest Gap commercial from genius auteur Spike Jonze. I have a feeling we've all harbored fantasies like this.