Not much of what Barry Bonds' said during his press conference on Tuesday made sense. Blair Bunting/Getty Images

The movie (or perhaps the book) All the President's Men, gave us the term "non-denial denial," a logical ploy Barry Bonds embraced -- and took to a new level -- Tuesday. I didn't watch Bonds's press conference (the day I watch a spring training press conference on one of my days off is the day I give my TV away), so I'm going by the AP report of what Barry said. And I have a few bones to pick with the man.

• Bonds lashed out at the writers: "You guys are re-running stories. This is old stuff. It's like watching Sanford and Son. It's almost comical, basically.... Are you guys jealous, upset, disappointed, what?"

One of the few things I remember from a logic class I took in college is that an argument ad hominem -- an attack on the man -- is a fallacy. Lashing out at the media does nothing to address whether Bonds' astonishing weight gain and the near-doubling of his melon since his early days as a Pirate are a byproduct of steroid use.

• He again tried to turn things around on the writers. "All of you guys have lied. Should you have an asterisk behind your name?"

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That's just stupid. Everyone lies -- that doesn't mean no one ever tells the truth. Furthermore, there's a huge difference between telling your mom you love that snappy Rudolph and Pals sweater she got you for Christmas and basing your entire professional career upon a lie. I'm a writer. Should I be fired for taking steroids? Not necessarily. Should I be fired if I lie in a story by inventing an anecdote? Absolutely. On other hand, there's no harm if Bonds goes around telling people tall tales, but if he's juiced then that is relevant.

• He also said he didn't believe Jose Canseco's allegations, which is Bonds' prerogative. "I don't know Jose. I was better than Jose then, and I've been better than him his whole career."

Just because Canseco hit fewer homers than Bonds doesn't mean he's lying.

• "I don't know what cheating is. "I don't believe steroids can help your eye-hand coordination, technically hit a baseball."

Come on, Barry. So since steroids aren't a panacea they're OK? Since they don't provide a complete solution they're fine? If a pitcher scuffs the baseball he still has to throw it 85 miles an hour. If pitchers were allowed to carry sandpaper to the mound, I don't think Barry would take it well.

• In a press conference full of illogical statements, the stupidest concerned his pursuit of Babe Ruth's mark of 714 homers. Bonds thinks he's being scrutinized because he's closing in on the top white home run hitter. "Because Babe Ruth is one of the greatest baseball players ever, and Babe Ruth ain't black either."

First, the scrutiny Bonds is under is no more intense than what Jason Giambi is dealing with. The guy has been crucified in the New York press, and Giambi's white. (You get the sense with Giambi that people aren't mad that he used steroids -- they're mad that he used steroids and stunk last year.) Canseco is a Latino, Mark McGwire is white (if this scandal had erupted seven years ago, don't you think people might have put Big Mac under a bit of a microscope?). So it's ridiculous for Bonds to say that he's being placed under more scrutiny than non-Black players.

Second, with this twisted logic, what's going happen when he approaches Hank Aaron. Are people still going to root against him because he's black when he's chasing another black slugger?

Bonds complained that writers won't let the issue die. But until he gives a straight answer instead of trying to Clinton his way around the issue that's not going to happen. His non-denial denials just make his accomplishments that much more suspicious. Given the chance to follow his pursuit of Ruth and Aaron, frankly, I'd rather watch Sanford and Son.

B-list star power

The Daytona 500 featured one of the stranger rosters of celebrities I've seen at a major sporting event. It was especially strange given NASCAR's conservative bent. You had Ashton Kutcher, who took time out of his busy schedule punking people to drop the green flag. You had Matthew McConaughey, who took time out of his bongo playing schedule to be the honorary starter. And the entertainment was provided by Brian Wilson, who took time out of his busy schedule not being the poster child for clean living. It was an odd mix.

Wilson's performance was a huge letdown. It'd be easy, after hearing him warble Good Vibrations, to assume the man has lost his voice. It sounded like karaoke. Bad karaoke. But that's got to be one of the 10 hardest pop songs to sing. Give it a good listen and try to count the number of distinct vocal parts, and take note of the range required to sing each. At Daytona Wilson basically tried to pull it all off by himself. Just a bad, bad performance.

And just how did McConaughey get the starter job? The guy hasn't exactly been inspiring the movie-watching masses to barge down to the ol' cineplex of late. It's been downhill since Dazed and Confused, yet NASCAR picked him. Of course, he's got a big movie coming out, so he was clearly chosen so he could promote Sahara. What's in it for NASCAR? Why do they care if Sahara is a hit?

As for Kutcher, whose link to NASCAR apparently is that he made trucker hats cool again, it doesn't take a genius to know that it's not a good idea to go to the Daytona 500 and refer to the spectators as rednecks.