Devil Rays fans have to put up with a bad team and a horrible stadium. Nick Laham/Getty Images

So I had this idea for today's blog: I was going to watch Tuesday night's White Sox-A's game and riff in praise of Mark Buehrle and his penchant for pitching fast games. (He was involved in a 98-minute affair last week.) Buehrle was facing Rich Harden, so it seemed as if there was a pretty good chance we'd be looking at another quick one. I was going to make some jokes about how it's like we're in 1906 again (flannel pants, Ozzie Guillen in a straw hat and bow tie, a batter's objection to an umpire's call met with a stern, "Good day, sir, and I'll thank you not to take that tone with me henceforth"), but the game wasn'tt on TV for some reason.

Which brings us to plan B. I'm looking at AL stats and it jumps out at me that the Devil Rays have a pathetic team ERA of 6.11. So I get to thinking: Is there anything worse than being a Devil Rays fan? Seriously, if you were to ask a D-Rays fan to name the greatest moment in franchise history, what would it be? That time Lou Piniella sassed an ump? Fred McGriff's 478th career home run? And it's not just the lack of a past -- the future looks just as empty. They're never going to be good, at least not as long as no one comes to the games and the owner spends more time obsessing about whether or not the media covering the game are bringing their own food and who's using his private bathroom than trying to give Piniella something to work with.

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I did some thinking, and a few obvious possibilities jumped out for a more godforsaken set of fans: The Cubs? Nah. Virtually no expectations, so they can just go to Wrigley, have a good time, drink some Old Style and not worry about that whole World Series thing. If they did win one, it would ruin their identity. (Just ask the Red Sox. I think I speak for most of America when I say, Enough already. You won. We know. If I see Johnny Damon on TV again I'm going to scream. What's next? A buddy film with Damon and David Ortiz as mismatched cops who are forced to become partners?) The Arizona Cardinals? Nah. They play in warm weather, and I'm told it's a dry heat. The Bills? Nah. At least they made it to four Super Bowls.

So what does that leave us? The top five worst teams to root for:

5. The Clippers. Not much to cheer about historically, and now that they're not the worst team in L.A., they aren't even a late night punch line any more. Mitigating factor: None of Leno's jokes making fun of them were funny anyway.

4. The Hawks. Atlanta sporting events aren't ususally electric -- I remember once when the Braves were on the NBC Game of the Week in the early '80s Joe Garagiola said of the crowd, "I've heard more talking when they're passing around the collection plate at church" -- but Hawks games are especially dead. Even if the Hawks gave you something to cheer for, how much fun would it be to go to 41 of their home games every year? Mitigating factor: Dan Roundfield was the man.

3. The Devil Rays. They'd have a shot at No. 1 if they weren't so young. Their past is miserable, but it's mercifully short. They play in a dump and, as discussed, the owner doesn't exactly inspire confidence (or goodwill). Mitigating factor: Having trouble thinking of one.

2. The Browns. The only thing that makes their seasons memorable now is when they lose a playoff game in spectacular fashion. Even when they snuck into the playoffs a few years back, the appearance was ruined by a horrible fourth-quarter meltdown against the Steelers that would be talked about a lot more if it hadn't been so expected. Quite simply, I feel like in every season of my entire life they've either gagged in the postseason in heartwrenching fashion or gone 5-11. Mitigating factor: Stadium mustard.

1. The White Sox. (With apologies to SI p.r. guru Art Berke.) Though they haven't won the World Series since 1917 -- a drought almost as long as the Cubs' -- the Sox can't win for losing. The Cubs are lovable, the Sox are overlooked. . The Cubs have Wrigley, the Sox have a character-less barn. The Cubs had Harry Caray, the Sox have Ken Harrelson. (He makes the Yankees' Michael Kay look like the picture of dignity and restraint.) Put it on the boarrrrrrddddd ... YESSSSSSS! Grab some bench! Come on. Every White Sox out is a screamer, every opponent's hit is a bleeder with eyes. Ken, it's not radio. We can see it. And don't get me started on the nicknames. When Sammy Sosa was with the Sox, Harrelson called him "The Panther," for crying out loud. And I don't buy this year's fast start. Their lineup just doesn't seem that good, and Ozzie Guillen looks like he needs to take a deep breath. Mitigating factor: Eight Men Out was a pretty good movie.

Idiot of the Week

At least this guy waited until his wife was out of town for a funeral to get caught driving a golf cart while drunk after cops found him skinny dipping with his mistress.