The Texans, trying like mad to give away their third game in a row, fail, and their fans start throwing bricks through TV sets in Houston. "We wanted Reggie Bush!" they cry. "Why can't this team even LOSE right?"
I chickened out. Wussy little me. I had a conviction about the Jags beating the Colts for their third time in their last five meetings, but then I wrote it down, and I said to myself: "Nawwwww. Garrard's not beating Manning." But I'll tell you this: The Jags are going to physically pound the Colts in this game -- the kind of pounding that will impact Indy's regulars over the next couple of weeks.
If I were Tom Donahoe and was trying to save my job while Bill Belichick and Eric Mangini were on the other side of the field trying to confound J.P. Losman ... well, let's just say I wouldn't feel real good about my job security.
I think Carson Palmer watched a bunch of USC games on TV this fall and said: "I'm going to be just like my old school. I'm never going to put up less than 34 points in a game from now on." You can look it up. USC's scored 34 or more in every game this year.
If you watch the NFL Network on Monday, check out the Joe Vitt post-mortem press conference. He leans way over, looks like he's being tortured, and talks about losses the way Condoleeza Rice talks about strife in the Mideast. God, someone tell Joe it's only a game, or something like that.
Not to be morbid and not to brag, but I said a few times before this season that it's just a matter of time before the regular old football fates -- injuries, mostly -- befall the Eagles. They'd been fortunate too long. I never thought they'd lose every major offensive weapon but L.J. Smith.
If I had any guts, I would have picked the Redskins to be the sixth seed in the NFC playoffs in Monday Morning Quarterback this week. They've got a heck of a shot if they win out -- or even go 3-1 down the stretch.
Remember this name: Michael Turner. The kid from Northern Illinois -- a 5-10, 237-pound fifth-round pick last year. I'm not saying it'll happen in this game, but with LaDainian Tomlinson nursing sore ribs, Turner, a rolling ball of butcher knives (wish I could take credit for inventing that one, but I can't) will rush for 100 yards at least once down the stretch. Maybe in this one.
You're a swell guy, Mike Sherman. And I know you want to do right by Brett Favre, and I know you don't want to put Aaron Rodgers in a game like that one last week. But please. You're the coach. You can pull the quarterback when he's getting the tar beat out of him.
Here's a tip for you, Saints. After the season, give Aaron Brooks his gold watch and say thanks for trying. Then call the Jets and deal third- and fifth-round picks for Chad Pennington. You'll thank me for it in a year.