MK fizzles, M-Rob sizzles, while Lohan and Moss combust.

	Mary-Kate Olsen got shown up by the Nittany Lions in W magazine. Photo by Getty/Ezra Shaw

By Matthew Waxman

At this pace we're never going to survive 2006. In Week 1, our breath was taken away by Vince Young. Last week it was the image of Mssrs. Lohan and Moss gyrating around a stripper pole. Our reality was checked, however, by the alleged bone-shattering antics of a Tennessee lineman and the mind-numbing comments of a tiny, teen tycoon. It's Monday, kids, which means it's time to check out who was Hot and who was not Not for the week that was.

HOT: Scores

On Wednesday, Lindsay Lohan and Kate Moss double-teamed the stripper pole at Howard Stern's de facto strip club, Scores, in NYC. According to an onlooker's account from the New York Post, "Kate was going wild. After a few songs, Lindsay jumped on stage with her. They were swinging on the pole with their arms around each other's waists, kissing each other, caressing each other, just acting like strippers....it was very hot." On the hot scale, this ranks just above Kate Moss pole dancing to The White Stripes.

NOT: Oddsmakers

Knuckle sandwiches are down as -- for once -- neighborhood bookies got taken to the cleaners. In the NFL, favorites won an astounding 63 percent of the time during the regular season. The casual football fan usually bets on the better team, and those teams not only won, they also covered, causing many Vegas houses to break even and, in some cases, even lose money. "It wasn't one of our better seasons," Jay Kornegay, executive director of the Las Vegas Hilton sports book, told the Denver Post. "I guess we'll have to raise the price of our grilled cheese sandwiches and turn down the lights a little bit."

HOT: Beer Bellies

Girls claim to be into washboard abs, but the truth is that the vanity and maniacal discipline required for a normal college guy to shed his spare tire will spell doom for a relationship. Like blondes and aviator sunglasses, beer guts will always be in vogue because they announce that "dude knows how to have a good time." For those sad sacks with abs of steel, this faux gut can be inflated with beer ("legit to the touch and the frisk!") and comes equipped with a tube and spigot that can snake out the zipper for covert consumption in the student section.

NOT: Beer Bongs

In Old School, Will Ferrell showed that all it takes is a couple of funnels before you're streaking down Main Street in your birthday suit. This octa-bong provides an answer to the absurdist question: how can we funnel faster? As Frank the Tank proved, Bed, Bath & Beyond is a whole lot cooler than ending up in Bed, Bathed 'n Boot.