Sizzlers and fizzlers of the week that was

By Matthew Waxman

Spring is officially in effect but with Duke lax-gate dominating the college sports headlines, the Not definitely outweighed the Hot last week. Other unseemly things overheard on the quad include a student's Spring Break at Wal-Mart, a fun police raid on football tailgating, and a Bible-thumper crusade against "optical intercourse" on campus.

Whether it's Disney or NASCAR calling, Mack Brown's Longhorns are available. Photo by AP

Hot: Texas softball
In a New York magazine profile of Johnny Damon, it was reported that before a Team USA practice at Cal State-Fullerton, players were "ogling" the Texas softball team as the girls worked out. A Texas softball representative clarified the statement saying that the major leaguers were, in fact, ogling the Longhorns' deft defensive plays.

Not: Texas football
It was announced that in the NASCAR Busch Series race at Texas Motor Speedway on April 8, Michael Waltrip will burn rubber in a special edition burnt orange and white speedster to honor the Longhorns' championship football team. Said Waltrip, an 11-time Busch Series winner: "It doesn't get any better than driving the Texas Longhorns National Championship Dream Machine in Texas." That, my friends, is called putting your mouth where your money is.

Hot: Spring Break poker cruise
During a partypoker.com-sponsored tournament on a cruise ship, University of Minnesota senior Mike Schneider came in first and won a million dollars with a $10,500 buy-in. When asked how he was feeling after winning only the second high-stakes tourney he's entered, the 22-year-old responded, "Oh God, oh God, oh God!"

Not: Spring Break at Wal-Mart 
While students congregated last week for fun in the sun at hot spots Daytona Beach, Cancun and Lake Havesu, Skyler Bartels, a Drake University sophomore, decided to spend his spring break in a 24-hour Wal-Mart in Windsor Heights, Iowa. Bartels bailed on his experiment after 41 hours in the store. He got only four hours of sleep, mostly stolen while on the john. "We weren't aware of this." Wal-Mart corporate spokeswoman Sharon Weber told the Des Moines Register, "but it's not something we condone. We're a retailer, not a hotel."