The week's weirdest, culled for the collective cognition

By Justin Doom

Bettis is named to the Hall of Fame, Michael Keaton wants the Pirates to expand their payroll and Scotland finally out-curls Canada. Oh, and don't use bullets to smash bugs.

Rolling into immortality

Forget winning the Super Bowl. Jerome Bettis' crowning achievement was being elected to the Celebrities Bowling Hall of Fame. Photo by AP

It'll be a few more years before Jerome Bettis is elected into football's Hall of Fame, but it won't be his first such induction ceremony. The former Rams and Steelers running back, who amassed 13,662 career rushing yards and 94 total touchdowns, this week was elected into the Celebrities Bowling Hall of Fame. He will be officially enshrined June 28.

"No one has served the sport of bowling more effectively as a nonbowling industry participant than Jerome Bettis," Jeff Boje, president of the Bowling Proprietors Association of America, told the AP, maybe while mimicking the voice of his favorite cartoon robot.

"I have bowled my entire life and gained great pleasure and enjoyment from the sport," said Bettis, who's rolled a 300 game and averages better than 200. Growing up in Detroit, Bettis had childhood dreams of becoming a professional bowler.

"You may not have known this already," Bettis didn't add, "but I'm from Detroit. You'd think that during this year's Super Bowl, held in Detroit, which is where I'm from, maybe someone would have pointed that out."

Speaking of bowling ... well, kind of

Oakland's Dan Johnson, who a la Larry Walker grew up playing hockey before turning to baseball, used to introduce himself at Nebraska college parties as, "Dale Edwards, captain of the Nebraska bowling team."

Johnson's childhood friend Kris Lastine told the San Francisco Chronicle that the A's slugger still owns a shirt emblazoned with "Nebraska Bowling Team."

"I have no why, it just popped up," Johnson said, laughing. "I had a whole long story explaining what I did for training. I said I walked around the bowling alley three times with a 16-pound bowling ball in the ready position."

How can you not root for this guy? All you need to know is that he met his future wife, Holly, when she was at a party next to a party Johnson was at. They talked for six hours. Probably not about bowling.

Hard to argue with Batman

Pennsylvania native Michael Keaton, before throwing out the first pitch in the Pirates' home opener, criticized the team for not having a big enough payroll and for taking fans for granted, telling the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, "... at some point, you've got to win. I think fans have been gracious. And maybe not vocal enough. Maybe not vociferous enough with their displeasure. That's my opinion."

"You want my opinion?" Pirates owner Kevin McClatchy didn't say, not adding very tongue-in-cheekly: "Maybe Keaton can donate part of the proceeds from his next hit movie to an extension for Jason Bay. What's that you say? Keaton hasn't made a good movie in 15 years? Oh, really? That's too bad. 'Mr. Mom' should put his money where his mouth is."