Campus ChroniclesA look back at the week's wackiest storiesPosted: Wednesday September 13, 2006 10:09AM; Updated: Wednesday September 20, 2006 11:13AM       A tennis perv at Brandeis, a mushroom-induced naked assualt at UVM, a student makes out with a computer box at UC-Fullerton ... just another strange week at this crazy place we call college.
The University of Texas' new scoreboard isn't all it's cracked up to be. The 7,370 square foot Jumbotron, which was billed as the world's largest high definition scoreboard, only shows game coverage on less than half of its screen. The rest of the space is used for advertising or other graphics. It seems like everything in the stadium is failing to live up to its preseason hype. If the Brandeis University tennis team struggles this season, they have a pretty good excuse. An unidentified man has been seen pleasuring himself outside the team's practice courts numerous times during the last year. The man has evaded capture by outrunning the police down train tracks and through a cemetery. The cops don't have any suspects, but I hope for Eddie Griffin's sake that he has a good alibi. The Eastern Michigan faculty has gone on strike to fight for a pay increase that would give them salaries comparable to professors at other Michigan universities. Numerous classes have been cancelled and confusion has ensued because the administration is encouraging students to go to class even if the professors aren't there. The two sides are getting closer and an agreement could be reached next week as long as Donald Fehr and Scot Boras don't get involved. A University of Vermont studentwas arrested after he assaulted three women while naked and under the influence of ecstasy and psychedelic mushrooms. The student was charged with eight crimes including perjury, lewd and lascivious conduct, and aggravated assault. The bar for idiotic crimes has now been raised and it's up to Lonny Baxter to raise it once again. A Cal State Fullerton student won a free computer after besting 14 others in a contest that required them to kiss an iMac box for as long as possible. Students were not allowed to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom during the contest, which finally ended after six-and-a-half hours. If only they had this contest at UConn, Marcus Williams would have had a much better way of getting a computer without paying for it.
The University of Central Florida's safe escort service has refused to drive males home because they claim that UCF football players have been abusing the service. The service is meant only for students who fear for their safety, but is often used by students who just want a ride. I blame the NCAA for this. If they would just allow boosters to give cars to football players, the school wouldn't be in this mess. West Virginia fans took their rivalry with Marshall to a new level last week. They booed when it was announced that a Marshall band director would lead the West Virginia band in the national anthem. The Mountaineer partisans booed again when an announcement was made about the upcoming movie that memorializes the 1970 plane crash that killed the Marshall football team. Frankly, I can't blame these fans. It's so rare for the Mountaineers to host an actual Division I opponent in a non-conference game they can't help but get a little overheated. In other news ... It pays to be a University president ... Texas A&M's new scoreboard also failed to live up to expectations ... Maryland senate candidates went tailgating for votes ... Perhaps Barbaro should find a new doctor ... Kansas State is the place to find Iraqi memorabilia ... BYU is the home of missionary driver safety video shoots. If you have any questions, comments, or even a story suggestion, email me at campuschronicles@gmail.com    |  | ||||
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