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Campus Chronicles

A look back at the week's wackiest college stories

Posted: Thursday October 19, 2006 12:26PM; Updated: Thursday October 19, 2006 12:26PM
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By Eric Horowitz

More trouble for the SMU football team, a strange punishment for a bizarre crime at Southern Illinois, UC Davis students get ready to go to the track, and Cincinnati gets a new mascot. It's all in this week's Campus Chronicles.

Good news for drunk Michigan State fans: East Lansing is relaxing the punishment for wandering into the wrong house.
Good news for drunk Michigan State fans: East Lansing is relaxing the punishment for wandering into the wrong house.

Michigan State students got some good news this week. The town of East Lansing is relaxing the punishment for people who get drunk and wander into the wrong house. Unfortunately for Michigan State's football team, nothing will  relax the punishment it endures after wandering into someone else's stadium.

The University of Cincinnati unveiled a new version of its Bearcat mascot last Friday. The meaner looking critter has new whiskers, red streaks, and bares its teeth. It also has red eyes, which I assume is the school's way of paying homage to the DUI of legendary coach Bob Huggins.

Indiana basketball coach Kelvin Sampson is closing practice to the media, saying he can't let anybody watch because of the "dumb internet." Now, I know Sampson isn't so naive that he thinks closing practice will prevent criticism from online journalists, so I'm forced to suspect that his reference to the "dumb internet" means he is barring the media so they won't discover that he spends most of practice in his office surfing the web for porn.

A Southern Illinois student who put a pig's head and a sign that read "Stop pigging out on tuition $$" on the hood of a chancellor's car has been sentenced to write an eight-page paper on how the school spends its tuition dollars. The student, who is appealing the decision, will be required to interview the chancellor and vice chancellor for the paper. Other schools are taking notice of the unusual punishment, and many believe that forcing troublemaking athletes to write papers will be the deterrent that finally keeps them from misbehaving.

The University of Pennsylvania is always doing what it can to help students. Last week the school held a lecture on how to avoid getting busted by police for underage drinking and providing alcohol to minors. The lecture is the first in the school's popular "Corrupting America's Youth" lecture series.

A proposal is under consideration to build a 260-acre horse racing track near UC Davis. The track could lead to opportunities for students who are specializing in agriculture or veterinary medicine, but mostly it will help those who are specializing in degenerate gambling.

It was an eventful week for SMU's football team. On Sunday, during a team party at a local bar, two players, including the host of the event, were arrested for public intoxication and had to be maced by police. This came just days after starting quarterback Justin Willis was reinstated to the team following a one game suspension for punching a man he claims was stalking him. The school is once again acting like a big-time football program off the field. Now it just needs to work on the team's performance on the field.

In other news ... Boston Collegecancelled a pep rally because nobody was going to show up ... Columbia's football coach has some strong feelings about Penn ... Florida students went running in their underwear for charity ... The Duke lacrosse team is working to get out the vote ... If you're a member of your school's student government, don't film any pranks you do ... Princeton is now a Nike school.

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