The Cowgirl's View of Halloween
Jenn talks about costumes and a Halloween virgin
Posted: Tuesday October 31, 2006 12:32PM; Updated: Tuesday October 31, 2006 12:32PM
Tonight, as I sit at home and cruise through television channels faster than most wide receivers run the 40, I plan on taking time to reflect on my once-favorite pastime as a kid: Halloween.
In 1996 I was officially forced to retire from trick-or-treating as a result of a basketball-career-ending arm fracture that not only validated the fact that I would never have the coordination to be an athlete, but also had me sporting the ugliest neon-pink cast known to mankind the day before Halloween. Not wanting to be THAT kid, I opted to stay home and answer the door for my parents. With every doorbell ring, my two Dobermans and I competed to see who would get to the door first, only to be met by some kid demanding candy in bank-heist-like fashion.
Ugh, if only I could've taught the dogs to answer the door, maybe the kids would've change their tone. Sure, I harbored some jealousy of the costume-clad -- after all, they got to dress up as Power Rangers and teeny-bop stars and I looked like the aftermath of a Jackass stunt gone bad -- but overall the night turned out to be an enlightening experience of the crap my parents had been dealing with ever since they packed up their own trick-or-treat bags.
It's a rite of passage we all must come to grips with at some point in adolescence: When is one too old to trick-or-treat?
Until my college days at Florida State, I had come to the conclusion that dressing up was just plain silly, and secretly felt pathetic competing with five-year-olds for candy. Then I experienced my first college Halloween.
In Tallahassee, age is just a number, and if your number is greater than 21, the treats are way better than I remember them being back in my heyday. Most guys' costumes are either of the politically incorrect hilarious variety or of the "too cool for school" variety, while girls' costumes are a whole new beast. Per a certain teen movie, "In the regular world, Halloween is when children dress up in costumes and beg for candy. In Girl World, Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it."
My first year, no one informed me of this rule, and I showed up sporting a tame getup as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. The true hard-core girls wore nothing but lingerie and animal ears, and actually got pissed if you didn't know what they were supposed to be. Girls filed past me at the party and looked at me in disgust, as if I did not get the slut memo or something. God forbid I not share Vicky's Secret with the general public.
The following years my costumes were a little more fitting, but still mellow by Girl World standards. Besides, last time I checked, the only thing you get from revealing your cash and prizes in public was a photo shoot and a one-night stay at a local resort we like to call Tallahassee Police Headquarters.