A look back at the week's wackiest stories

By Eric Horowitz

An English professor shows his students the true meaning of satire, newspapers are disappearing at North Carolina, and strange things are appearing in unexpected places at the Universities of Idaho and Hawaii. All this and more in this week's Campus Chronicles.

A UNC fraternity stole 10,000 copies of the school paper that was running an expose on the frat's hazing. Don't worry, ladies. No sororities were involved. Grant Halverson/Getty Images

• Facing the prospect of a front page article in the school newspaper about their suspension for hazing violations, a University of North Carolina fraternity did the only thing they could do -- they stole 10,000 copies of the paper so nobody would know about it. When it was discovered the papers were missing, the frat quickly confessed, apologized, and agreed to pay restitution. The fraternity's final act in repairing their image was preventing people from finding out about the theft by stealing 10,000 copies of the following day's newspaper.

• It turns out that Ivy League schools have their share of offensive trash talk. A rap group from Yale has come under fire because lyrics in their Harvard-Yale battle anthem reference sexual violence. The offending lyrics reportedly had to do with the "arses of Harvard's unvirtuous strumpets."

• A Central Florida English professor was cleared of harassment charges for comments he made about students in his blog. The professor posted pictures of the students and, among other things, said they were "insecure of their masculinity because of their small penises and their secret undergarments fetishes." The professor claims the comments were meant to be "satirical" and "ridiculous". He says it was obvious the students were not insecure in their masculinity because of their penis size-----the reason they were insecure was because they didn't have girlfriends.

• USC has uncovered the Danny Almonte of the video game world. The winner of a regional EA Sports video game competition for college students was disqualified when it was discovered he was not actually a USC student. The man gained entry into the competition by using on old USC student ID, but when it was discovered he wasn't a registered student, EA sports took away his free trip to the Citrus Bowl and a chance at the $10,000 grand prize. This is all just one more reason why kids should stay in school.

• The TVs in the University of Idaho Commons had some new programming last month after students broke into the audiovisual room and replaced the campus announcements with porn. The images only stayed on TVs for fifteen minutes, but since then knowledge of campus events has increased 300%.

• A university of Hawaii dorm had to close its elevators after human feces were found in them on three separate occasions. Two resident advisors cleaned up the mess all three times and the cleanup reportedly cost the school's housing department $1,000. The police haven't made any arrests, but as in all dorm defecation incidents, Najeh Davenport is their No. 1 suspect.

• Carnegie Mellon University wants your help in picking a mascot. The school, whose nickname is "The Tartans", has never had an official mascot, but administrators hope the creation of one will instill the school pride and spirit. In other mascot news, Wilbur and Wilma Wildcat, the University of Arizona's mascots, renewed their wedding vows for their 20th wedding anniversary. The ceremony was good news for Arizona students who worried that Wilma might run off with Washington State's mascot, Butch the Cougar.

• In other news ... Mice are stealing sandwiches at NYU ... The Southern Illinois "pork prankster" is in more trouble ... The University of Pittsburgh held a "Moustache Challenge" ... Texas A&M is building agraveyard for former Aggies ... Kent State held the first ever "Scream Day" ... If you like partying naked, then Bowdoin is the place for you.

Got questions, comments, or a story idea? Email me at campuschronicles@gmail.com