Is it any wonder that these same people voted to kick baseball out of the Summer Games back in July, and then reconfirmed that vote last week? You won't be seeing baseball in the 2012 Olympics. But curling, well, let's put it on network television! What kind of governing body of athletic competition would have, as its official policy, "Baseball: bad; curling: good"?! Hell must have actually frozen over. And the second it did, some evil person down there declared that the ice would make a perfect surface for curling.

I know, I know, there are thousands of people around the globe who enjoy curling. And that's fine with me. Curl your heart out, world. You've managed to sneak your silly giant game of ice marbles into the Olympics, and more power to you. But don't ask me to get on board with you. My only interest in curling is my desire to shake the hand of New Zealand curler Hans Frauenlob, and that's only because he wears, on that hand, the two World Series rings that he earned as the information systems manager of the Toronto Blue Jays in 1992 and 1993. No, really: he used to be the Blue Jays' IT guy, now he's in the Olympics. Maybe when he's done frantically sweeping the ice, he can tell me why Roberto Alomar never answered any of my e-mails. I'd almost be willing to attend one of his matches just so that, when New Zealand is eliminated, I can hold up a sign that says, "The Server Is Down!"

Now, I know the curling enthusiasts reading this are getting ready to tell me that if only I would try curling I'd be instantly hooked. But I can assure both of them that I, too, used to be a curling fan. I'll never forget the year that my parents splurged to get me a top-of-the-line graphite broom for my birthday. Or the countless winter nights when I'd fall asleep to the soothing voice of my favorite curling announcer, Dick Vitale, screaming overexcited gibberish like, "It's gonna be curl city, bay-bee!" And of course, like most kids, I covered the walls of my bedroom with posters of my favorite curlers -- stars like Finland's Markku Uusipaavalniemi. It still gives me chills to do the old, "give me a U, give me a U, give me an S..." cheer. No, really: Uusipaavalniemi's fans did just that at the 2000 World Championships, and the poor, confused crowd fell silent when they couldn't figure out what that spelled. I'd say you can't make this stuff up, but if I were to try, I'd make up something just like that.

Alas, my passion for curling suffered a serious blow when they put it in the Olympics. Now it's too commercialized. The only thing the players care about these days is landing a lucrative endorsement contract with a granite quarry. They even made a racy calendar. No, really: the 2006 "Women of Curling" calendar features nude and partially nude photos of female curlers from seven countries. But I swear I would have made that up myself if it weren't already true. Yes, for just $35.95 plus shipping and handling, every day can be a curling day. Unless American Idol is on.

Adam Hofstetter's column appears every Wednesday on SI.com. When he's not too busy watching the real Olympic sports, he spends his time reading angry letters from curling enthusiasts. Add yours to the pile at ahofstetter@gmail.com.