Lamar Thomas just the latest not to watch his mouth

	Miami analyst Lamar Thomas was fired after cheering on the Miami-FIU brawl. AP

"BEEEEEEEEEP. You have...nine...new messages. First message received at 11...14...PM...Saturday...October...14th..."

"Mr. Lamar Thomas, this is Al Campanis calling. From one guy who got fired for saying dumb things to another, I just wanted to offer my support in what must be a difficult time for you. I hope you don't blame yourself for what happened. You just didn't have the necessities to be, let's say, a sports commentator. You don't have the buoyancy. But I'm sure you'll make a great general manager someday."

"Next message received at 9...38...AM...Sunday...October...15th..."

"Hi Lamar, it's Keith. Keith Hernandez. I see you've been using my newest hair-care product, Just For Obnoxious Loudmouths. Five easy minutes is all it takes to ruin your broadcasting career. I'm just teasing, of course. In all seriousness, I am just absolutely appalled. I was watching that brawl between Miami and Florida International yesterday and I could swear I saw a girl on the field. A girl! No wonder you were so fired up. I half wish you had gone down to the field like you said you wanted to, if only to get that girl back in the kitchen where she belongs. Only teasing, only teasing. You know I've always loved the ladies. And cocaine."

"Next message received at 10...42...PM...Sunday...October...15th..."

"Lamar, you don't know me. The name's Jimmy Snyder, but all my friends just call me 'The Greek.' I want to tell you I'm behind you 100 percent. You made a mistake. It happens to all of us. And when I say 'all of us,' I mean 'all of us sportscasters who have been fired for saying offensive things on the air.' But you, you've got talent, kid. So much talent, it's almost like you were specifically bred to be naturally superior. Keep that genetically strong chin up."

"Next message received at 11...26...AM...Monday...October...16th..."

"Hey Lamar, this is Mike Tyson. I am just flabbergasted that you were released from your duties by Comcast Sports Southeast, and I just want to say I totally support you. I mean, it's certainly true that violence doesn't solve anything. Only a Neanderthal would think otherwise. But when you said you wanted to go down the elevator and beat those guys, I was with you all the way. I mean, if I was there, I would have beaten those guys, too. I would have made them my girlfriend and eaten their children. Even if they were women, I'd still fight them. Hey, that gives me an idea...

"Next message received at 4...18... PM...Monday...October...16th..."

"Hello Mr. Thomas, this is Bryant Gumbel. You don't know me, but I nonetheless thought it appropriate to offer you a bit of unsolicited advice: before you clean out your office, have Paul Tagliabue show you where he keeps Gene Upshaw's leash."

"Next message received at 6...51...PM...Monday...October...16th..."

"Hey Lamar, it's Steve Lyons. Heard you got fired for what you said during Saturday's broadcast. I just wanted to say don't worry about it. I've done much worse. And I'm not just talking about that wallet comment that got me fired last week. A couple of weeks ago I criticized a Mets fan for having the nerve to be almost blind. In August, I made a crack about Sal Fasano being 'connected.' And two years ago I made fun of Shawn Green for not being Jewish enough to get gifts at his bar mitzvah. Oh, and then there was the time when I was still a player and I mooned everyone in Tiger Stadium. Who'd you offend, people who don't like fighting? What kind of ethnic group is that? Sorry bro, if you wanna earn a nickname like 'Psycho' you gotta bring your "A" game. You don't come into the OB playing that stuff."

"Next message received at 7...03...PM...Monday...October...16th..."

"Hey, it's Paris Hilton. Heard you're kind of a bad boy. That's hot. Call me."

"Next message received at 8...16 ...AM...Tuesday...October...16th..."

"Lamar, this is Marv Albert calling. I can tell you from experience to hang in there. If history is any indication, you'll be back in the booth within two years, and before you know it everyone will forget how skeeved out they were by your freaky behavior. Except your fiancé, if you've got one. Will she use it against you for the rest of your life? YES!"

"Next message received at 11...22...AM...Tuesday...October...17th..."

"Pick up, man, it's Carl Pavano. You there? I just can't wait until tonight for the next episode of Gilmore Girls. What do you think is gonna happen with Lorelai and Chris? Call back."

Adam Hofstetter's column appears every Wednesday on SI.com. Demand an apology for his offensive comments at ahofstetter@gmail.com.