Muzzle Canseco? Then we'd miss out on all the fun 

	Jose Canseco can't stay away from the spotlight. AP

A few days before its All-Star Game, the Golden Baseball League sent out a statement from South team manager Terry Kennedy.

"[Jose] Canseco's pitching debut will just add another element to the fun and excitement that is the all-star game," it read. "Even I'm anxious to see Jose's knuckleball."

What, you expected Kennedy to stand up someplace and say that with a straight face?

So my original plan today was to suggest (read: beg!) that Jose Canseco take the $250 he won in Tuesday night's Golden Baseball League All-Star home run derby and buy a muzzle.

With a muzzle, no one would have heard him say that he wants to pitch after this one-game show, when regular GBL play resumes. (Yes, for the three of you actually wondering, Canseco did pitch a third of the fourth inning on Tuesday. He blew a 5-1 lead, and the outing was officially worse than the three-run inning he suffered with the Rangers in 1993, the year a ball bounced off his head and over an outfield wall.)

With a muzzle, we wouldn't have had to hear Canseco admit how he'd get his South teammates to come out with him ("I'm going to buy about 400 gallons of beer"). Or how he'd keep them hanging out with him ("I'm going to ... get them drunk").

Honestly, the poor guy's more cringe-worthy than a Ben Stiller character.

Canseco drew four dozen media members to his signing with the San Diego Surf Dawgs two weeks ago, and you wanted to think that was nice for those two Stanford MBAs who started this independent league. (Really, had anyone outside the Graham Koonce fan club even heard of the Golden Baseball League?)

He followed his three-strikeout debut by asking for a trade to the Long Beach Armada so he could be closer to his daughter, and the generous part of you wanted to think maybe that was sweet.