My ace fitter, Jeremy Champoux, handed me a generic driver stamped HOT STIX. I slashed a handful of drives in the hitting bay, generating dozens of points of data. In the blink of an eye these numbers were beamed to the store's own mainframes, which created a statistical model matching the DNA of my swing with the DNA of thousands of different driver-loft-shaft combinations. The printer belched, and out came my recommended drivers, in order:

1. Nike Sasquatch, 9.5 degrees of loft, with a stiff Diamana shaft.

2. Cobra 454, 10.5 degrees, regular flex Mitsubishi Rayon SL-45

3. Cleveland Launcher, 10.5, regular flex Launcher stock shaft.

Seeing this, my body convulsed with ecstasy. Imagine traveling through the entire equipment universe at the speed of light and ending the journey with someone cutting through all the crap and confusion and telling you exactly what you need. Mind-blowing.

A driver fitting costs $150, and included in the price is the ability to demo the recommended clubs. Hot Stix builds them on the spot, and you go to straight to the range of your choice and decide which feels the best -- something no computer can ever decide.

Of course, it's even harder to test balls than drivers, mainly because almost no one offers ball fittings. Jeremy pressed another button and instantly the printer spewed out a list of the balls that would perform best with my recommended drivers.

In the premium category there was the Titleist Pro V1 2005 and Callaway HX Blue 2005 and a ball I never would have considered, the Bridgestone B330. Among value balls, the Maxfli Noodle (!) and Volvik Crystal were recommended. I had thought the latter was a brand of bottled water.

I repeated the whole process for irons -- computer says Mizuno MX23s with lightweight Nippon steel shafts -- then stepped to the putter fitting, with its high-speed cameras. At Hot Stix they don't sell a ton of putters, usually tweaking what you already have to make it more effective.

After I flailed at a few putts, Jeremy took my Two-Ball and chopped half an inch off the shaft, then took a blow-torch to the hosel, heating up the metal so he bend in one more degree of loft and lift the toe off the ground a tiny bit more. Suddenly I'm Ben Crane, only slower.

So presumably some of you are now interested in a Hot Stix fitting but lamenting the fact that the store is 2,000 miles away. Perk up, because you don't have to go to the Stix -- it's coming to you.

Founder Mark Timms is in the midst of an aggressive expansion, and by 2007 he hopes to have twenty 36-foot trailers that will barnstorm the country, doing up to 25,000 fittings a year at resorts and country clubs.

Many more customers will be reached as Hot Stix continues to license its software to retail stores around the country. All 52 GolfSmiths should offer the Hot Stix custom-fitting by April 1, and by the end of 2007, Timms is hoping 500 shops nationwide will have the system on-line.

My prediction? Once you've tried a Hot Stix custom-fitting, you'll never buy another club without it.