Why shouldn't the Players be a major? My 14 reasons

	Golfers such as Craig Perks do not win majors -- but they can win the Players. Jamie Squire/Getty Images
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If the PGA Tour has arrived at the Stadium Course, then we must be having the annual shouting match about whether or not the Players Championship has already attained or should be elevated to the status of Fifth Major.

I know a few of my fellow columnists here at SI.com have been atwitter on the topic, and I can't help but weigh in. Here are my idiosyncratic reasons the Players will never, ever be considered a major:

• Ben Hogan never won it.

• Arnold Palmer never won it.

• Craig Perks did.

• Newspaper columnists in Florida would have nothing to write about in March.

• Is a Grand Slam in baseball suddenly going to count as five runs? I don't think so.

• When Jack Nicklaus talks about his 20 major championship victories, he sure as hell is not counting his three wins at the Players.

• The smug look of satisfaction on Tim Finchem's mug would be unbearable.

• Every time I'm in Ponte Vedra Beach, the only music I can find on the FM dial is '80s hair metal -- not the best soundtrack for a major.

• Two words: Fred Funk.

• Two more: Jodie Mudd.

• You know you're desperate when you're stealing ideas from the Champions tour, which has five majors (though the only one most of us can name is the Senior Open).

• "Impregnable pentrilateral" just doesn't have the same ring.

• It's already too much work having to explain the difference between Bobby Jones' Grand Slam, the modern Slam and the Tiger Slam. Who wants to have to add the TPC Slam to the conversation?

• And the No. 1 reason the Players Championship will never be considered a major: because Tiger Woods doesn't think it should be.