Lakers' Odom uses hoops to overcome loss of son

                    

	Lamar Odom says focusing on his career helps him overcome the pain of his son's death. Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE via Getty Images

Lamar Odom has to take a break. He tries to fight it, taking deep breathes and swallowing hard, but the pain is still there. As he talks about the sudden death of his seven-month-old son Jayden this summer, he must compose himself and wipe away the tears streaming down from his eyes.

"It hasn't gotten any easier," he says. "I feel a little lost sometimes."

Odom discovered that he had lost his son in the middle of the night while he was in New York, attending the funeral of his aunt, which fell on the same day (June 28) that he had lost his grandmother two years earlier.

As Odom held his lifeless son in his arms at the hospital, cradling him and talking to him, hoping and praying the little boy would somehow come back to life, the only thing that gave him some semblance of strength was the date on the calendar.

"That's what kept me strong," Odom says. "He died on the same day that my grandmother died. It's one of those things where it's just out of your hands. You know, you just have to accept that it's God's work."

Following his son's death, Odom stayed away from basketball and even away from friends and family at times. "I spent a lot of time alone thinking," he says. "I kind of needed it."

Odom returned to the court last week as the Lakers opened up their training camp. After not touching a basketball for nearly three months, he is beginning to feel that his return is just what he needs right now.

"It's funny because I think it's going to make me a better basketball player as far as the mental approach to the game," he says. "I take my time right now more than ever in everything I do. I'm just looking forward to getting back out there and being among my teammates every day and whipping myself back into shape so by [Oct. 31, the season opener against Phoenix], I can give this team everything I got."

Odom had many other things to say about his difficult summer, his relationship with Kobe Bryant and his near-death experience in New York during a recent one-on-one interview.

SI.com: How has basketball helped you get through what was easily the worst summer of your life? Has it helped you at all to step back onto the court?

Odom: To this day it seems surreal that I was holding my son in a room for two or three hours with him being lifeless, but I'm getting better. Basketball is a salvation for me; I guess it works as a sanctuary. The last two weeks have given me strength. But I'll be completely honest with you like I was with P.J.: I didn't even want to look at a ball at the time. It was the furthest thing from my mind at the time. But I understand what a blessing it is to be able to do something that I love in front of 20,000 people and take care of my family forever. So I'm willing to uphold that responsibility no matter what.

SI.com: Was there ever a time when you thought you wouldn't be able to play again?

Odom: I told some of my friends that this could be the day where I called it a career at 26. Believe it or not. It would have been real easy. I was raised by my grandmother after my mother passed away when I was 12 years old, right when you need your mother the most. I was raised by her mother and as soon as I signed my contract with the Miami Heat, she passed away. I came home for my mother and sister's funeral and my son passes away. I would have had no problem leaving, but it took guys like Robbie Davis, my trainer, to keep me going. I found myself and got a little closer to God and talked to him a little bit more.

SI.com: You also started a religious apparel line after having a near-death experience on the streets of New York this summer. What happened there?

Odom: I came up with this idea after I went through a real violent incident back at home. I was robbed a week after my son passed. It's so crazy. When you think of rap and hip-hop, you think of young black men. When this kid robbed me, he shot a gun at me, and let's just say it was too close. I have my own AAU team in New York and L.A., and I have a great foundation. When this happened to me, I said, "Wow, we are so far from God as a people and as a community." Somebody has to do something about this. Maybe if I give them something they can identify with a little bit more than the usually description of Jesus, which is far away from us. It just so happens that I'm reading Revelations, and they give a description of Christ, and I'm saying maybe if these kids can identify with him, it will bring them a little closer and it's not just about him being black. That's one of the questions I would love to ask Mel Gibson. I've seen his movie and it was beautiful, but in the Good Book they said he looked different with his look and walk and he was a carpenter and the description of his hair and dark skin tone. It really uncovers a lot about American history, the difference between white and black. I just want to give them something to identify with and think about and hopefully make a difference.