Weighing in on Gumbel, T.O., fat players and more

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What shall we start with? The Bryant Gumbel flap, you say? Fair enough. Gumbel is getting ripped in the press, but not by an awful lot of veteran players. And not by me.

Bernard Fulton of Washington, D.C., and I'm going to call him my E-mailer of the Week because he challenges my manhood, asks the following: "Are you going to defend Gumbel or what? You've been saying the same thing he said about the players union for years. Don't punk out now."

Is this really fair, Mr. Fulton? Have I ever punked out in this column? Ever? (Well, yeah, there was that one time, but my wife made me do it.) Please have a little confidence in your faithful narrator.

I liked Gumbel's sentiments and the way he expressed them. Tags doesn't like it? Gee, that's tough. Under Tagliabue and Upshaw, the rich in the league, players and owners alike, have been further enriched. The ones most needy, ex-players that is, have been neglected. Seems like a mirror of the direction our country's going in, doesn't it?

I won't get into individual cases, but I have a rather large file of ex-players who feel that the union has been indifferent to their most pressing needs, treating the pleas in an arrogant and almost insulting manner. Current players feel that the pension plan is a joke. Not the ones at the very tip top of the financial scale; I'm talking about the ones who actually will need a pension some day.

So, armed with this material and assured that a representative of dissenting NFL veterans and ex-veterans would be there to present their case against the NFLPA, I attended the Players Association press conference during this past Super Bowl week. And I waited. And waited. And listened to all the self-serving pronouncements. And the players never showed up. And my feeling was, if they can't get it together to even be here, I'm not going to fight their battle for them, although I'd be glad to lend my support.

I think that Upshaw and Tagliabue have been great for the rich people, not so great for the others. Gumbel said it in a little rougher manner, but that's baseball. I will have more to say on the subject when the lawyers come by to take depositions.

"By virtue of a constantly increasing salary cap," says Casey of Philadelphia, "isn't Upshaw, in essence, effectively increasing the players' pay?" No, the economics of the game is, uh, are increasing their pay. Your point about guaranteed contracts only benefiting existing players and not necessarily all players shot by me like the A train at 135th St. I'm very sorry, but I just didn't understand it.

And now we have the second blockbuster story of the week: T.O. and his magical unicycle. Honestly, I'm sick of the whole story, but what's that you say? The fans demand to know the latest? So be it, and on to installment 453 of The Story That Never Dies:

When last seen, T.O. was on his stationary bike, pedaling away and whistling a tune from The Sound of Music. Enter the Evil Twosome of Parcells and Jones, who said you've got to practice. Why? Because it makes perfect.