A little weather has big effects on top half of rankings

See, I'm throwing myself on the mercy of the court. Have you met one person, I'm just looking for one, who liked Dallas to beat the Panthers in Carolina, or Jacksonville to beat the Eagles in Philly? I'm not talking about with the number, I mean straight up. Please tell me this person's name. I want him to submit to a polygraph. Or her.

Goodbye, depressing topic. Hello, sunshine. The rankings will not reflect blowouts that happened more than two games ago (Pittsburgh-K.C., Giants-Seattle). Or stuff that happened when a team's identity was different (the Patriots' groping desperately for a wideout when they lost to Denver).

I must warn you that the Falcons posed the most serious problem. I know they're too low, and the therapist says that recognizing the ailment is the first step toward recovery. I did not want to impose too severe a loser's penalty on some of the unfortunates ranked above them, and I ... you know something, you Falcons fans are right. This was brought home when Andrew saw where I had placed them and he fainted. I've just done an adjustment. It cost the Vikings, Chiefs and Seahawks one spot apiece, so you can imagine the injustice that almost fell to Atlanta. I feel much better now.

NFL Power Rankings Rank LW Team 1 1 Chicago Bears (7-0) Here's an interesting phenomenon. The keynote games played by the Colts and the Patriots have turned a spotlight on Chicago and its powder-puff schedule (they've faced no team that has fewer than three losses). But having watched the other good teams take their turn in the arena, the Bears' turn is coming. They're at the Giants on Nov. 12 and New England two weeks after that. Then we'll see, boy, we'll see. We'll see what? We'll see, just wait, we'll see. See what? WHAT! (Geez, talk about idiots.) 2 2 Indianapolis Colts (7-0) The ballots are open: Which was more impressive, what the Colts did to Denver or what the Patriots did to Minnesota? A tough one. Indy worked against a better defense, but its own defense got punished by an undrafted rookie named Mike Bell. But why ask theoretical questions when this will be answered in Foxboro on Sunday night? 3 4 New England Patriots (6-1) Their game against the Vikes was more impressive because they exerted extreme dominance ... I mean a real S&M job ... on both sides of the ball. 4 3 Denver Broncos (5-2) Isn't it curious that ever since the days following Terrell Davis in Denver, Mike Shanahan never hasn't been enthralled by real tough-guy, blood-and-guts runners, such as Mike Anderson, Reuben Droughns, yes, even Olandis Gary, and now Mike Bell? I mean he was running scout-team plays in practice the week before he nearly beat the Colts with his ferocious running. And he saw that much action only because Tatum Bell came up with turf toes. 5 9 Baltimore Ravens (5-2) Brian Billick is now being hailed as the Nostradamus of play-calling. An owner's delight. Brian, dial me up two picks for TDs. And another one in the end zone. And running Jamal Lewis 31 times? You know what the guys in the Guinness commercial say. "Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!" 6 8 New York Giants (5-2) Amazing how they held the Bucs to 174 yards, total, with three defensive starters out. But here's one starter who wasn't out. His name was Wind. He arrived at Giants Stadium at speeds up to 40 mph. Ever see the old movie The Thief of Bagdad, with Sabu and Conrad Veidt? Remember when Veidt, as the evil vizier, Jaffar, stands on the deck of the ship, arms raised to the heavens, yelling "Wind! Wind!"? I could have sworn I saw him behind the Giants' bench Sunday. 7 10 San Diego Chargers (5-2) Things in history I'd like to see: Herman Melville feeding sardines to his cat. The beheading of Louis XVI, the drumroll drowning out his farewell speech. New Chargers sack specialist Marques Harris hoisting his 231 pounds in the air for a cartwheel followed by a full backflip after his big sack against the Chiefs. 8 5 New Orleans Saints (5-2) I would never say this in New Orleans, but in my opinion, seventh-round wideout Marques Colston has made more of an impact than, ssshhh, Reggie Bush. 9 14 Atlanta Falcons (5-2) All week long the NFL's version of WrestleMania gave us this big feud between left corner DeAngelo Hall and Bengals wideout Chad Johnson. This time we're not kidding, folks. Postgame, here's what Chad had to say: "Just showbiz. After the game we prayed together and promised to see each other in the offseason." I can hear the prayer now: "Dear God, please send us more suckers." 10 12 Kansas City Chiefs (4-3) Let's hear it for Damon Huard. As they say on TV: "We haven't called his name much." Nobody has. All he's done is move to No. 3 in the passer ratings. On Thursday he suffered a nasty groin strain. They gave him an intensive workout before Sunday's Seattle game. Doctors were flown in from Heidelberg and the Sorbonne. While they were busy getting bets down on the Seahawks, Huard amazed everyone by announcing he was starting. Finishing, too. Big day. Got the win. Played well. Didn't collapse once. Wouldn't it be ironic if this 10-year veteran who never has started before this season made it to the Pro Bowl?