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Posted: Wednesday December 13, 2006 11:31AM; Updated: Wednesday December 13, 2006 11:31AM
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NFL Power Rankings
Rank LW Team
21 17
Carolina Panthers (6-7)
Our Carolina correspondent says the fans were screaming for Chris Weinke because Jake Delhomme was throwing so many interceptions. So Weinke became an injury starter against the Giants. Now the fans are just screaming.
22 22
St. Louis Rams (5-8)
Tell me the phoniest gimmick in TV land isn't wiring a guy for sound? So Torry Holt got this little band of guys together before the Bears game. "OK, on three, one-two-three, strike." (I think that's what he said). So he gave it the old 1-2-3, and you heard this dull, half-hearted grunted kind of thing, and everybody broke away. Did we learn anything from this? Did ESPN accomplish anything? Has the season lasted just a bit too long for your faithful narrator?
23 23
Minnesota Vikings (6-7)
If I were teaching a course in English lit, I'd include this short answer question in a pop quiz: "Who wrote The Revenge of Artose Pinner? a) Poe, b) Dickens, c) Hardy, d) Childress." Correct answer, d, coach Brad Childress who started Pinner against the Lions, who cut him last summer. He had carried only nine times this season, but he burned Detroit for 125 yards on 29 carries, with three TDs.
24 27
Green Bay Packers (5-8)
The wire story I read described Favre as "steady and fearless" against the 49ers. Which is the way you get when you face a team that's given up the second most points in the NFL.
25 24
San Francisco 49ers (5-8)
They say it all goes back to when coach Mike Nolan wouldn't go for the first down on fourth and one, leading St. Louis by a point, with the ball on the Rams' 7 and less than four minutes to go. So they kicked the short field goal, went up by four, and St. Louis marched down the field and scored the TD that put the game away. The Niners had won three straight up to that point and the feeling was that their coach should have had more faith in them. And since that game they have not been competitive, in losses to New Orleans and Green Bay.
26 30
Arizona Cardinals (4-9)
All hail the kings of the 4-9s, after Sunday's victory over Seattle. The revamped O-line was the sixth arrangement this season, and people say that this time it really looked good for once, with recently installed RG Deuce Lutui the catalyst. "Catalyst," says The Flaming Redhead. "Four Guernseys, three Holsteins, five calves ... " Ha ha ha, and may I remind you, sweetie, that one dude around here tells the jokes.
27 25
Cleveland Browns (4-9)
Word is going out that TE Kellen Winslow is turning into a cheap-shot artist who must be watched. How quaint. I always thought that a certain amount of dues must be paid before a guy starts establishing that kind of a reputation.
28 26
Washington Redskins (4-9)
Why must every story following a Redskins' loss talk about Joe Gibbs' legacy and his record with the old Skins? Enough already. Let it go. New players, new era, new weather patterns.
29 29
Houston Texans (4-9)
I just saw a statistic that set me off. LB DeMeco Ryans is being called the NFL's total tackles leader. Phony, unofficial stats. No standing nor bearing upon civilized society. I think I mentioned that earlier in the season I got some coaching films from the club and did a three-game study on him. Very raw at that point. Swallowed almost every fake. But gifted with abnormal speed and a real burst, thus able to run down ball carriers all over the field. But please, let's leave the official statistics to the people who have signed up for them.
30 28
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-10)
Flash: During the loss to Atlanta, Jon Gruden pulled the plug on QB Bruce Gradkowski and sent in Tim Rattay. In the stands a fan was heard to mutter, "Wake up, Sam." A woman asked her husband, "Where'd you park?" Still another said, "What's the late game on TV?" And now we send you back to the studio for more updates.
31 31
Detroit Lions (2-11)
"Linda, honey, I'm kind of busy, could you go through the box scores and look up a stat for me?" "Sure, what is it?" "How many runners in the NFL gained more yards Sunday than Arlen Harris, the Lions' leading rusher?" "OK, what were his numbers?" "One carry, zero yards." This is chapter three in the manual entitled, How to Sour a Normally Jolly Wife.
32 32
Oakland Raiders (2-11)
Kicker Sebastian Janikowski had the remarkable stat of hitting the left upright three times in the last two games. Jan Stenerud, the only kicker in the Hall of Fame, told me that NFL Films once came out to practice to film him in some kind of segment in which one of his kicks was supposed to hit the upright, either one. So he spent an hour or two trying to hit it. No dice. He kept trying and trying and finally the film crew got disgusted and faked the shot, having someone throw the ball at the post from up close. Then the following Sunday Stenerud went out and hit the upright not once but twice in the game.

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