How you can win your fantasy baseball league -- now

	Sammy Sosa doesn't even have a team right now, but that won't stop some people from drafting him in a fantasy league. Jamie Squire/Getty Images

If you're like me, you're already plotting your complete and total domination of this year's fantasy baseball season. While it would be nice to convince yourself that you can win your league through shrewd draft strategy and careful massaging of the waiver wire, it's just not true. Like battles with cold sores, fantasy leagues are won and lost in February.

It sounds improbable that you could lock up a title before pitchers and catchers report. It's still freezing outside, and Tim McCarver is still hibernating in a cave somewhere, clutching his stuffed Derek Jeter doll. Still, you can guarantee success before Spring Training begins.

Most fantasy leagues start getting organized around this time. Unless you're in a long-standing league, this usually entails a mad scramble to find enough owners to fill out a complete roster, which is your chance to get one step closer to victory. Ideally, you can find some suckers who will join without actually knowing anything about baseball. You can generally spot these people by their nods of agreement when you tell them it's a "CL-Only league format. We just don't think the designated pitcher is good for the integrity of the game." They'll agree to play, and you can summarily destroy them.

Some examples are your roommate's girlfriend, who will name her team "Dave, I Don't Want to Be in This Stupid League" in protest, and that guy at work who thinks his sweatshirt from the Hard Rock in Nashville qualifies as business casual. His team name will be something disturbing on no less than three levels, like "Linux Pornblasters 1983." Make sure you get their buy-in before the season starts.

Ideally, at least one of these people will take their favorite player from 1998, Sammy Sosa, with their second-round pick, but only because they had to use their first-rounder to snag Bret Boone. Second basemen with a little bit of pop and some speed are just too hard to come by. Even better, they'll stop managing their rosters after the second week of the season, which means that they'll be starting Troy Glaus for the entirety of his annual three-month stay on the DL.

Of course, you'll still end up with owners who know what they're doing. You can quickly dispatch them by changing your league's scoring system. As a general rule, the more obscure the scoring category, the more likely it is to give you an advantage. Why eat the hamburger that is ERA when you can switch to ERA+, the filet mignon of pitching statistics? Why not throw in fielding percentage to confuse people who might draft David "Cement Glove" Ortiz? Wins are an overrated stat; let's switch to win shares. Moneyball, guys. Anything Joe Morgan hates with such passion must have some validity.

Perhaps the ultimate obscure scoring category is holds, which grants middle relievers the importance that Tony LaRussa's been giving them for decades. Any stat that can turn the frightening Julian Tavarez into a beautiful fantasy swan can only help separate you from the competition. (Tavarez is also a solid pickup if your league gives points for "Most Striking Resemblance to Freddy Krueger.")

Now that you've got the scoring manipulated in your favor, it's time to start your misinformation campaign around the draft. The trick here is being as subtle as you can while still throwing your fellow owners off your trail. Drop little hints like "Wow, the Orioles got a steal on Kevin Millar. How often do you find that kind of power and defense from a corner infielder?" or "No way J.D. Drew's getting hurt again this season. It's mathematically impossible to be injured seven years in a row." If you're really malicious, you can go for the jugular by using "With Grady Little managing the rotation in L.A., I smell a big Darren Dreifort comeback in the works!"

So, there you have it: a completely fool-proof way to win your league before Adam Dunn gets his first spring training strikeout. It may sound ridiculous now, but you can thank me when you spend the league pool in September. Go to a gas station, buy their finest cigar, and light it with a five-dollar bill. You've earned it, champ.