1. Bring back wooden clubs: They were called woods for a reason ... and they will be again. You get four more years, fellas, then no metal drivers, fairway woods or hybrids will be allowed in professional golf. Baseball has it right. Little Leaguers, high school players and even college players, where money is an issue, use long-lasting metal bats but the major leaguers still use wood. It'll be the same in golf.
2. Add a fifth major: Sorry, PGA Tour, it's not the Players Championship. It's the Muny Major, and it'll be played on a beat-up, ordinary municipal golf course. You know the kind, you play it all the time. The bunkers are mostly gravel and dirt, not sand, and no two are the same. The greens are peppered with unfixed ball marks, bare spots and run at about 6 on the Stimpmeter. They're weavy and agonizingly slow. Some tees are bare, or you have to hit off mats that have a rubber tee. Most holes will have no yardage markers. The ones that do will be wrong. The purse will be $7 million, and the winner gets all of the usual exemptions that the other majors offer.
3. New sites for the Ryder Cup: We're not going to hold the most exciting golf event at nondescript courses such as the K Club, The Belfry, Celtic Manor and Valhalla. Look, the Ryder Cup is going to Ireland for the first time this year, and of all the great courses where it could be played, we're going to settle for the K Club? Not likely. Future sites in Ireland will include Ballybunion's Old Course and Royal County Down. In Scotland, I'm also penciling in Kingsbarns and, the most obvious choice, the Old Course at St. Andrews. In the U.S. we'll keep Whistling Straits in the rotation if somebody builds a few Marriotts in Kohler, Wis. We're also going to Pine Valley, Bandon Dunes, Whisper Rock (a desert course in Scottsdale) and the Chicago Golf Club.
4. Change out-of-bounds stakes: Is there anyone who doesn't hate white out-of-bounds stakes? I didn't think so. The penalty is too severe for the crime, a loss of stroke and distance. Plus, it slows down play. I'm changing it to make O.B. stakes more like a lateral hazard. You may drop two club lengths from where your shot crossed the white-stake boundary, and at least make progress toward the green. What's that? Oh. You're welcome.
5. Overhaul handicapping system: Your handicap will be based on your last 20 rounds, not the best 10 scores of your last 20 rounds. And no club events will allow more than 75 percent of your handicap to be used. You're afraid this favors better players? Maybe. That's why they went out and practiced -- so they can get better than you. The free ride for the helpless hacker is over. Each golfer will also get a time handicap. Every time you play, you'll punch in at the 1st tee and punch out at the 18th tee. Preferred tee times at the club will go to players whose average 18-hole time is less than four hours, 15 minutes. Your time handicap will be included on your regular handicap card and will be used universally to determine when you're allowed to play. For instance, if you can't play in less than four and a half hours, you're not allowed to enter the city limits of St. Andrews.