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The Rant

U.S. Olympic performance has been a huge letdown

Posted: Monday February 20, 2006 12:04PM; Updated: Monday February 20, 2006 1:32PM
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Can I be an ugly American for a minute? (Or longer, as the case may be -- see mug, above.)

This hasn't been the best of Olympics for the U.S. of A., and frankly I'm getting sick of all this losing.

I have a simple rule when watching this stuff every couple of years: We shouldn't lose to any country that I can't find on a map. Considering that my geographic knowledge is based almost completely on playing the board game RISK in grade school, you can imagine how upsetting these Olympics have been for me. (How many medals does Kamchatka have so far?)

What is the point of the Games if not to make us Americans feel better about ourselves? I want to pass out on the couch with our national anthem playing in the background and the Stars and Stripes ascending toward the heavens in its full glory. Instead I get excuses (men's hockey jet lag), apathy (Bode Miller) and a Leon Lett impersonation (Lindsey Jacobellis). At least Shani Davis and the speedskaters have come through, and hopefully Sasha Cohen can do the same.

Why is NBC paying billions of dollars to televise this hodgepodge of mostly contrived sports if it's not for the right to show Americans winning more medals than you can pack into a gas-guzzling SUV? It's certainly not to watch us skate to a tie against Latvia, wherever that is.

I'm particularly upset with the Swedes, who beat us in men's hockey on Sunday. We also lost to Sweden in women's hockey. Hey, Swedes, right about now is a good time to stop showing us up on the international stage. You don't want us to stop shopping at Ikea, do you?

All of you other minor countries, consider yourselves warned. Play nice. Yours wouldn't be the first sovereign nation we've invaded lately, and in case you haven't noticed, we have a vice president with an itchy trigger finger.

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