Why mascots are driven beyond the gates of madness

                    

	Beware of roving branches, ladies! The Stanford Tree is notorious for its pie-eyed revelry. Otto Gruele, Jr./Getty Images
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Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of mascots? Sports fans do.

Big fuzzy bears, bulls, fish, gorillas, trees and other strange objects may look cute, and they genuinely yearn to entertain us, but like Pennywise, the sewer-dwelling clown in Stephen King's It, mascots can be a dark force in disarming clothing.

If you keep abreast of world events, you know that Benny the Bull recently scuffled with a cop in Chicago, and that Randy Rip It, the Greenville (South Carolina) Drive's frog, was busted -- so to speak -- for allegedly groping a woman's breasts. Randy, who was obviously feeling so, follows in the shabby footsteps of Tigger, who was accused of squeezin' peaches at the Magic Kingdom two years ago.

These are only the most recent instances in a long, ongoing wave of mascot depravity that has ranged from assault and gun play to public intoxication. What accounts for the madness? As young Davin Coburn discovered, it's the heat, rejection and social isolation, stupid..

Trapped inside a heavy, stifling costume with a 15-pound head while breathing a disorienting mix of sweat, methane and scallion fumes, it's no wonder that mascots succeed mainly in scaring women and small children while drawing the ire of drunken patrons who do not cotton to having their view of the game even momentarily obstructed.

In their anger and their shame, mascots may cope like plenty of us do, by turning to drugs -- Da Bull of Chicago Bulls fame was popped for peddling pot outside a housing complex in Chicago two years ago -- or the bottle. The Stanford Tree was suspended earlier this year after cops spotted it sneaking nicks of hooch from a flask and dancing drunkenly during a Stanford-Cal basketball game.

Clearly, these goofy critters are as misunderstood as they are maligned. In 1995, Denver Nuggets mascot Rocky the Mountain Lion challenged Charles Barkley to a friendly round of fisticuffs and got punched in the puss for his trouble. Oregon State's Benny Beaver was slugged by Cal offensive tackle Tarik Glenn after playfully tapping him with an inflatable hammer, a gesture that -- in all honesty -- has menacing overtones.

It's no surprise that mascots ultimately lash out. Who can forget the Phillie Phanatic swapping knuckle sandwiches with Dodgers manager Tom Lasorda in 1988 after the deranged mascot used a Lasorda doll as a punching bag? In 1994 the Phanatic got hit with a $2.5 million lawsuit for injuring a fan's back with a bear hug.

Such suits are commonly found in a mascot's closet along with a costume and a pack of skeletons. Minor league pitcher Don Schulze embroiled the San Diego Chicken in a $2 million suit after the demented bird pounced and separated Schulze's shoulder during a 1981 game. The Chicken prevailed and brazenly continued its rampage, grabbing a cheerleader and rolling her on the floor in 1991. She sued and won $317,000, but the fowl fiend proved to be a pernicious influence on the Miami Heat's Burnie, who was convicted of aggravated assault after dragging the wife of a Supreme Court justice onto the court by her legs at a 1994 game. His victim demanded $1 million.