It's hard to beat baseball's best giveaways

                    

	Get to the Metrodome early on August 10 and you could be the proud owner of a pair of Joe Mauer sideburns. Nick Laham/Getty Images
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If you're heading to the ballpark -- any ballpark -- on a fine summer afternoon or evening, it's always a pleasure to get a little something extra for your hard-earned doubloons. It could be a free hat, bat, bobblehead, seat cushion, umbrella, oven mitt, pillowcase or lunch box -- or something a bit more meaningful, such as an elegant Jorge Cantu figurine, Richie Sexson growth chart, vial of Gustavo Chacin cologne, Brian Giles-in-a-Box, Marlins alarm clock or Brewers oil- change coupon. By golly, few things in this world can beat giveaway goods and services.

Baseball history is loaded with inspired promotional events -- from Cleveland's infamous Nickel Beer Night in 1974 to my personal favorite: the annual Jay Buhner Buzz-cut Night in Seattle during the '90s. Bald fans, or those who agreed to have their noggins shaved -- sometimes by the beloved chrome-domed outfielder himself -- got in free and were awarded a crisp "Take me out to the Bald Game" or "Bald is Buhnerful" T-shirt.

On July 26, the Oakland A's hosted their annual Root Beer Float Day to benefit the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. A sweet deal and a worthy cause, to be sure, but isn't serving root-beer floats when you're trying to combat diabetes akin to the Giants handing a carton of Kools to each patron who enters AT&T Park on Strike Out Cancer Day (Aug. 20)? Just wondering.

If wacky promos float your dinghy, the minor leagues are the factory showroom. The Altoona Curve of the Eastern League hosted Frivolous Lawsuit Night on July 2. Inspired by the fan who sued the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim because they had the temerity to not give him a Mother's Day tote bag, the Curve tossed pink ones to the first 137 males through the turnstiles, handed a cup of lukewarm coffee to the first 137 females (in honor of the woman who sued McDonalds after scalding herself with their joe) and gave the first 137 kids a beach ball that contained a stern warning not to chow down on it.

Not to be outdone, the Newark Bears of the Atlantic League will host Britney Spears Baby Safety Night on Aug. 9, an event born after the 24-year-old pop tart was photographed driving with her infant son on her lap. All fans who attend the game will be given tips on how to keep wee ones safe during automotive outings and a chance to win a free car seat. Anyone who enters Bears and Eagles Stadium dressed like a baby will not be hauled off to the loony bin -- they will be admitted free, as will fans who bring a baby toy or an actual child under the age of 4.

Wait, there's more!