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Chelsea casting call

Who else could we hire for the Jose Mourinho biopic?

Posted: Tuesday January 24, 2006 12:06PM; Updated: Tuesday January 24, 2006 12:53PM
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Recently the British tabloid The Mirror reported that Chelsea's theatrical manager, Jose Mourinho, thinks George Clooney should play him in the film version of his life. Whose idea was it? Mrs. Mourinho's, of course.

"He's a fantastic actor and my wife thinks he would be ideal," the 42-year-old Portuguese native said.

That got me to thinking, it's really a natural fit that Hollywood take on the new glamour club of world soccer, since at this point, the players are earning more than most A-list actors.

In the Jan. 12 edition of the World Power Rankings, I asked for your thoughts on who we should cast in other roles at the soundstage version of Stamford Bridge. Here are some of your suggestions.

George Clooney as Jose Mourinho
Looking past the Special One's arrogance, it's really not a bad piece of casting: the salt-and-pepper hair, the pin-up good looks, the sultry baritone, the dimpled chin. One makes relevant statements with films, the other makes ridiculous statements to the press. And they've both got their own wax figures at Madame Tussauds.
Colin Farrell as Joe Cole
Again, similar smooth-boy good looks. But as I mentioned in the ol' Power Rankings, the clincher was that Colesy got into a drunken brawl at a party over a D-list model. Until your now-cliché hommage to the Irish bad boy, Joe, you were clean as a whistle.
Christian Bale as Frank Lampard
This one was suggested by Derek Wong of Bethesda, Md., who likens these two as "talented pretty boys." It definitely works. Those prounounced jaws and rock-hard physiques surely are what helps them score -- often twice or three times during a 90-minute stretch.
Joseph Marcell as Claude Makelele
This one comes from Hussein of New York. Sure, why not? The stellar defender gets little credit as the glue of Chelsea's nearly impermeable defense. As Geoffrey the butler on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Marcell got little respect as the glue that held the Banks household together and ... Oh, screw it. They look exactly alike.
Keanu Reeves as John Terry
Perfect. Although Terry has slightly more range. Slightly ...
Benicio Del Toro as Hernán Crespo
This one comes courtesy of our boys behind The Limey. I like it, although as Fred Fenster in The Usual Suspects, Del Toro couldn't escape the wrath of Keyser Soze. Crespo survived a loan to Silvio Berlusconi's AC Milan. (That comment isn't gonna get me in trouble, is it?)
Daniel Craig as Roman Abramovich
The new James Bond is short several hundred million dollars in net worth from truly channeling Chelsea's deep-pocketed owner -- and a few plates of Russian pilmeni short, too, from the looks of it. But if Clooney can gain 40 pounds to play a CIA operative, Craig surely can add a few to play the most spoiled man on earth.
Gary Coleman as Shaun Wright-Phillips
Granted, there isn't much in the way of a resemblance. But when you're 4-foot-8 and the character you've been offered is less than a foot taller than you, it probably isn't a role you should pass up. That and we hear Emmanuel Lewis' asking price has gone up.