Posted: Monday April 3, 2006 1:03PM; Updated: Monday April 3, 2006 3:11PM
5. Jack Bauer: I don't mean Kiefer Sutherland, the man who plays Jack on 24. I think Anna should date the Jack character. Imagine an episode in which Jack and Curtis are out on a stakeout, about to take down the Russian terrorists, when suddenly Jack gets a call from Chloe warning him that his irate former girlfriend Anna has shown up at CTU and talked her way inside. Which can Jack defuse first, the canisters of Sentox or a fuming Anna?
4. Kobe Bryant: The Lakers superstar is scoring points like crazy, but he's still loathed by many in the court of public opinion. Getting Anna on his team would give him a masterful p.r. woman working on his behalf 24/7.
3. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes: The always-reliable Sun had an intriguing story earlier this week about Tom and Katie's impending baby, and what they report will be a week of silence after the birth and absolutely no medical testing whatsoever. Besides speaking to their child, how can Tom and Katie improve on their relationship? Bring Anna into the fold and convert her to Scientology.
2. Barry Bonds: He's already been involved in pretty much every kind of nuttiness imaginable, so why shouldn't he and Anna become an item during his run at Babe Ruth and Hammerin' Hank Aaron? I think we'd all appreciate the gratuitous shots of Anna applauding each blast into McCovey Cove.
1. Ryan Seacrest: Think of it this way: The guy is the host of the most popular series in maybe the history of television, and yet he drops off the face of the tabloids whenever American Idol isn't on the air (except for this week). So why doesn't Anna shoot for the top? They're both from Georgia, they both love being on camera and they both moisturize and get highlights in their hair. Before long it'll be Seacrest out, Anna in.
Game of the Week
In honor of the opening weekend of MLS, I thought we should play some elastic soccer. That New York/New Jersey/Metrostars/Red Bulls against DC United game last night was actually pretty exciting.
Scary Fashion of the Week
Swarthy Atlanta Hawks center Zaza Pachulia seems to be making a bid to become the next Rony Seikaly.