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Execrable employment (Cont.)

Posted: Monday May 8, 2006 1:00PM; Updated: Monday May 8, 2006 2:50PM
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6. Bad sports team announcer
I'm not going to name any teams, but there are several sports franchises whose front offices have apparently issued an edict to say only positive things -- which makes it fun to hear announcers put positive spins on some of the worst teams assembled. But it must make for a tortured working experience.

7. NASCAR tire changer
I don't watch a ton of NASCAR, but it seems like one of the guys running around in the pits to throw new tires on the cars gets mowed over by a different car about once a week. Any gig that involves watching out for accelerating cars makes this list.

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8. Zamboni driver
Probably not the worst job on this list, if you don't mind driving in concentric circles over and over. Actually, I assume there could be some Zen-like qualities to this, skidding around while benign organ music tinkles in the background.

9. Horse attendant guy
During the Kentucky Derby this past weekend, did you notice what happened when the horses wouldn't go into the starting chutes? The guys behind them link arms and hug the horses' butts and shove them into the stalls. Hugging a horse's butt? Not a great job.

10. Any stadium's bathroom janitor
Come on, you've all been there. The third quarter, the seventh inning, the third period, whatever. You stand in line, you finally get into the restroom and ... well, it's a mess. Half the urinals are blocked up, the floor is slick, toilet paper and paper towels are all over the place. We all tiptoe around and do our business, and then manage to make it out and go back to our (relatively) clean seats. But someone has to clean all that up.

As long as it's not me.

Game of the Week

In honor of the bozo who was caught trying to jump from the Empire State building, this week's game of the week celebrates base jumping, an activity from which one can probably never retire too soon. Be sure to give it a second to load.

Sign of the Week that Tattoos Are Over

It used to be that tattoos were edgy, cool and hip. Now pitching coaches are getting them. The latest person to succumb to the needle is Leo Mazzone, the rocking pitching coach of the Baltimore Orioles, who had "14 Straight" tagged on his arm.


Lang Whitaker is the online editor at SLAM magazine and writes daily at SLAMonline.com.

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