Ten jobs in sports that you definitely would not want
Posted: Monday May 8, 2006 1:00PM; Updated: Monday May 8, 2006 2:50PM
Spend a night in the ring collecting blood and sweat and see if you aren't reduced to tears.
Martin Rose/Getty Images
Submit a comment or question for Lang.
While watching a baseball game the other night, the camera cut to the dugout and showed some Braves player sitting there, absentmindedly watching the action. And as he scratched his crotch, he leaned over and spewed a long, glorious fountain of mahogany spit onto the dugout floor.
It's a common practice in baseball, but for some reason this time it got me thinking: Who has to clean that up? I know dugout floors are perforated to allow the various ill liquids that are ejected in dugouts proper drainage, but I'm guessing at some point, some guy has to get down there, maybe a few hours after the game, and clean it all out.
The more I thought about it, the more I started to realize how many miserable jobs there must be in sports. We hear about the fun ones, the easy jobs, the jobs we all want to have. But what about the worst jobs in sports? Here are 10 jobs I came up with that I wouldn't want:
1. Boxing bucket guy This one is sort of a play off the baseball observation, except imagine being at the center of thousands of people screaming for blood, with sweat flying all around and chicks in bikinis carrying huge signs, and having to catch the stream of spit coming from the athlete's mouth in a bucket. This could be made into the worst video game of all time.
2. Football sideline personnel I was originally going to limit this to the kids who run around the sidelines carrying the extra footballs and underhanding them to the refs. But upon further review, is there any sport in which you see so many people get run over on the sideline? I've been sideline at NBA games for years now and never been run over. Count me out for NFL duty.
3. MLS star The best thing about being a sports star -- besides the untold money -- must be the perks: cutting lines at clubs, free meals at restaurants, getting comped in Vegas. But imagine being an MLS star. Most of them are average size and generally inconspicuous. Does anyone really know what Amado Guevara looks like? Would the maître d' at Jean Georges immediately find a table if Ante Razov came in? Would the manager at Foxwoods drop everything if Taylor Twellman rolled up?
4. NBA ball boy I've seen these guys in action, and the main aspects of their jobs include fetching chicken fingers for NBA players who probably aren't going to play, collecting sweaty shorts and socks from the floor, and helping players coordinate their comp tickets so that their various female guests don't end up sitting next to one another.
5. PGA Tour caddy The upside is that a lot of these guys make pretty good money and you get a few days off per week. But then there's the bad stuff, like the job itself: wearing a full body suit, carrying a huge sack of metal sticks, pouring dirt in holes in the ground, raking sand, wading in stagnant lakes, getting yelled at by drunk fans. Does it get any better than that?