Posted: Thursday April 20, 2006 5:30PM; Updated: Monday April 24, 2006 5:13PM
Safety Troy Polamalu's style is similar to that of Hall of Famer Ronnie Lott.
4. New York Jets, LaDainian Tomlinson, RB -- For the first time in draft history, the Jets make a high-profile selection and nobody boos. Upon arriving in the Big Apple, Tomlinson instantly goes from being portrayed as a low-key superstar to being -- well, the second coming of LT.
5. Green Bay, Walter Jones, T -- "How you like me now, Brett?" GM Ted Thompson sneers as Jones strides to the podium. Meanwhile, secure in the knowledge that he will never again be attacked from the blind side, Aaron Rodgers -- finally -- can smile on draft day.
6. San Francisco, Troy Polamalu, S -- A dynamic, hard-hitting, ex-USC stud patrolling the Niners' secondary? We like it, a Lott. Now, if they hope to recapture their former glory, all the 49ers need is an ex-Fighting Irish quarterback with a prominent nose -- and, oh yeah, a complete franchise makeover, beginning in the owner's box.
7. Oakland, Carson Palmer, QB -- "Forget the knee," Al Davis says. "Have you seen this kid's arm?" Moved by the sight of Palmer in a silver-and-black jersey, John Madden ditches NBC and returns to the sidelines.
8. Buffalo, Brian Urlacher, LB -- Reunited with coach Dick Jauron, Urlacher shows his appreciation by tumbling over Niagara Falls in a barrel, then suiting up and making 14 tackles in a driving snowstorm.
9. Detroit, Champ Bailey, CB -- Having already drafted Champ's little brother, Boss, the Lions' embattled boss happily welcomes the league's best cornerback to Motown -- only to cringe when Bailey shows up to his press conference wearing a "Fire Millen" T-shirt.
10. Arizona, Vince Young, QB -- "You mean I can take anyone?" Denny Green asks. "Daunte Culpepper? Randy Moss? Larry Fitzgerald?" Assured that this is the case, the ever-gutsy Green blows up his draft board and takes the player with the greatest upside, causing Mel Kiper Jr. to soil himself on national TV.
11. St. Louis, Chad Johnson, WR -- Upon scoring his first touchdown at the Edward Jones Dome, Johnson whips out a blow-up replica of the Gateway Arch, inflates it in the end zone and affixes it to the goalpost while high-fiving Nelly and the rest of the St. Lunatics.
12. Cleveland, Ben Roethlisberger, QB -- Enraged by their rivals' raid on their prized passer, a group of psychotic Pittsburgh fans kidnap Bernie Kosar and announce that he has been stashed "behind the Steel Curtain, where he is currently engaged in an intensive reeducation process."
13. Baltimore, Michael Vick, QB -- Speaking of reeducation, where the old Brian Billick would have stood behind Kyle Boller, the new, neutered Billick is taking his chances with the league's most talented QB.