Posted: Monday February 13, 2006 10:27AM; Updated: Monday February 13, 2006 10:27AM
Dick Cheney (left) checks out the gun he'll use for his next hunting accident, er, trip.
1. White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has decided not to attend his team's trip to the White House on Monday. Still, administration officials insist that they're not upset at the snub. In fact, the White House has graciously arranged for Guillen to go hunting with Dick Cheney.
2. Michelle Kwan pulled out of the Olympic Games on Sunday with a strained groin after receiving a special waiver to compete. That's only the latest injury among the U.S. figure skating program. In fact, several USFSA execs are still in pain after bending over backwards for Kwan.
3. After withdrawing, Kwan turned down an NBC offer to serve as an Olympic broadcaster. The network is so desperate to hold onto the U.S. team's biggest name, though, that it then offered to treat Kwan's groin on either ER or Scrubs.
4. Here's a quick question to see how much you've been following recent sports news: Who or what is the Flying Tomato? A) The nickname of the red-clad Swiss ski jumper who won the normal hill event. B) The cartoon character that NBC traded for Al Michaels. C) The moniker of the U.S. gold medalist in the men's snowboarding halfpipe. Answer: C, 19-year-old Shaun White's nickname due to his long red hair. If you answered correctly, perhaps you should be spending more time doing something productive, such as watching Grey's Anatomy.
5. U.S. skeleton athlete Zach Lund was banned from the Turin Olympics last Friday for taking a common hair-restoration pill. Ironically, Lund began taking the pills after hearing about Bode Miller's success with the hair of the dog.
6. Oh, those cheeky Aussie Rules football players. Last Thursday, Sydney Swans star Tadhg Kennelly "dacked" teammate Lewis Roberts-Thomsonin front of 400 students at an all-girls Catholic high school during a Q&A session. ("Dacking" is the Australian term for "depantsing," or whatever you call pulling down somebody's shorts in your neck of the woods.) Fortunately, Roberts-Thomson was wearing a pair of Speedos under his shorts and thus the schoolgirls were spared the full monty. Kennelly apologized the next day, saying, "I wasn't thinking and thought it was funny." Wait, so were you thinking or not?
7. The NFC rallied for a 23-17 victory over the AFC in Sunday's Pro Bowl. And they said the NFC couldn't win the Big One!
8. Injury of the week: Twins manager Ron Gardenhire pulled his hamstring while bowling last Wednesday. Said Gardenhire to the St. Paul Pioneer Press: "This proves that you can get hurt bowling." Ever the warrior, Gardenhire still rolled a strike on the toss that resulted in his injury. Of course, it might seem odd that a former pro athlete could get injured on the lanes. Then again, bowling is a killer workout compared to a baseball manager's rigorous regimen of hitting fungoes, pulling on one's arm to signal pitching changes and spitting.
9. Gonzaga basketball fans have been asked to stop yelling "Brokeback Mountain" at opposing players after complaints by the school's gay-straight alliance that the chant is homophobic. Still, some think that the protesters have gotten too PC with their suggested alternate cheer: "Good Night, and Good Luck."
10. With spring training nearly upon us, that means it's almost time to talk incessantly about the Yankees and Red Sox. The first volley was fired by the Red Sox, or at least by their Class A affiliate, the Lowell (Mass.) Spinners. The Spinners have offered to buy new uniforms for any youth baseball team in New England willing to change its name from the Yankees to the Spinners. Actually, it's a fairly clever concept. In retaliation, George Steinbrenner has threatened to buy the Spinners and change their name to the Yankees. OK, that last part's not true, but it might qualify as apocryphal.